Tag Archives: Church

Coexist.

This world is a place where life with God and without God must coexist.

This is the case in order that people may clearly see the difference and decide whether they want to live with God for eternity. Those who live by faith in God and those who do not live side by side in this world.

The primary choice we are making over and over again every day is whether or not to believe in God.

If we believe, we live in light of that faith (James 2:14-26) and we seek to have a relationship with God. If we disbelieve, we incline to our own understanding of the world and live accordingly (Prov. 3:5). Unbelief is wrong because it separates us from the one who is good and right. “For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin” (Rom. 14:23). Unbelief has disastrous consequences, since it cuts us off from our Father and the hope of eternal life.

The contrasting lifestyles and states of wellbeing of genuine believers vs. unbelievers are clear indicators of the relative value of having a relationship with God. For example, a scientific study recognized that people who pray regularly are psychologically healthier than those who do not. The strength possessed by believers in the midst of tragedy and suffering is testament to the value of faith in God. Those who tithe their income are less materialistic, less controlled by money or the constant yearning for it.

So, why aren’t more people turning to faith in Christ? Don’t they see that this offers a better life and life after death? Are believers failing to show this to them convincingly? Or are they being deceived? Satan is the deceiver, and he is called god of this world.
“In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” (2 Corinthians 4:4, ESV)
I believe Satan has effectively deceived the world, including increasing numbers of Christians (Matthew 24:24).

To understand how Satan has accomplished this you must recognize that there are two worldviews at war in our nation today. The Christian worldview and secular utopianism. Currently, the delusion of secular utopianism is spreading. The Christian worldview has been under sustained attack by the proponents and leaders of secular utopianism since the 1800’s.

The Christian worldview is based upon the Bible. It is centered upon a faith in the God who created the universe, and made human beings in his own image. Its morality is based upon the will of God, who will judge the world. Its hope is in a coming new world where Jesus Christ will reign.

Secular utopianism, simply stated, is the godless pursuit of personal happiness in this world.

It is humanistic and seeks to make earth into heaven, and each human being into a god. It is based upon Satan’s ancient lie spoken to Eve in Eden.“But the serpent said to the woman, ‘You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil’” (Genesis 3:4–5, ESV). According to this worldview the only god who matters is you. It has adherents in every religion, but it denies the authority of the only real God and Creator of the universe. Yes, there are many who would call themselves Christians who are actually believers in this worldview. The Apostle Paul warns that these apparently religious people are, “having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof. Avoid such people” (2 Timothy 3:5).

Secular utopianism is a materialistic worldview, giving no credence, or at least no significance, to a real heaven beyond this world. Karl Marx is perhaps its most powerful proponent. Marx famously called religion opium because he believed it kept people from realizing they needed to fight to make this life and this world the only heaven there can be.

Marx wrote:
“Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people.
The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.”

Communism and Socialism promise to create a secular utopia by enforcing income equality and then by abolishing private property, but ultimately what is sought is the abolition of any personal opinion that does not conform with the ideology enforced by the state. We saw this in the failed USSR and we see it prominently in China and in North Korea. This is the direction the liberal/progressive movement is taking the USA.

However, the left is not alone in it’s pursuit of secular utopianism. It is the same on the far right. The free market capitalist’s favorite philosopher is Ayn Rand, who formulated the philosophy known as Objectivism, which is an intellectual justification of the self-centered pursuit of happiness. The reason capitalists love her is due to her support of a laissez-faire approach to capitalism, which permits market forces to work. However, unbridled free-market capitalism inevitably results in the abuses of which many  were victims during the 2008 financial crisis. This is the grist for Bernie Sanders’ popular grind against big corporations and income inequality.

So, neither the left or right have the answer to our problems, and neither can offer human beings what we really long for: love, purpose, lasting peace, fulfillment, the reason for our existence, which is God himself. Oh, but they try. You and I must follow the radical route, the narrow path, which will make none of our political and worldly friends happy.
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matthew 7:13–14, ESV).

Our culture has become toxic. It is imperative that we repudiate its godless values and protect ourselves and our children from being inculcated and indoctrinated. In order to do this our minds must be renewed by daily reading (or listening to) the Bible. We must be active in church. Jesus himself established the church, not a building or an institution, but communities set apart from the world to worship the One True God. The time in long past when a Christian could sit at home and rely on their own self-discipline and understanding of the Bible and expect to grow. Now, not only will you not grow, you will regress; you will fade into the light of common day; you will become more and more like the post-Christian culture, which has an inescapable influence on all of us.

Do you need examples of this influence? There is the obvious proliferation of pornography, available on every phone, tablet and computer. Our entertainment is filled with sexual immorality and violence. There is wide acceptance, even enforcement of the so-called rights of people to participate in perverse sexuality and distorted views of gender. Far more dangerous is the marginalization or outright rejection of Christianity in favor of the unbridled pursuit of self-satisfaction, pleasure or personal happiness. This is secular utopianism at work, and it is most dangerous when people believe that it is good, virtuous and right to pursue godless and distorted practices. Those who reject these practices as wrong and/or speak against them are considered evil and kept from expressing their offensive opinions in the public square, which was once a marketplace of free ideas.

The Western world is build upon the foundation of a Christian ethic and philosophy. The current preoccupation with secular utopianism has been labeled “post-Christian culture” by some observers. Author Mark Sayers, in his book Disappearing Church gives insight.
“Post-Christianity is not pre-Christianity; rather post-Christianity attempts to move beyond Christianity, whilst simultaneously feasting on its fruit.
Post-Christian culture attempts to retain the solace of faith, whilst gutting it of the costs, commitments, and restraints that the gospel places upon the individual will. Post-Christianity intuitively yearns for the justice and shalom of the kingdom, whilst defending the reign of the individual will. Post-Christianity is Christianity emptied of its content” (Kindle loc. 200)

This may help to explain why, in spite of all the evidence to the contrary, people still pursue heaven on earth. There is continues to be enough of a Christian remnant, and the remnant of its ethic, to keep us from descending into the outright evil of Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia, and there is still enough temporary prosperity to keep us well fed and entertained. However, the widespread addiction to alcohol, illegal and prescription drugs (painkillers and anti-depressants) is testament to the fact that the pursuit of happiness is failing.

People who have a genuine relationship with Jesus Christ, must genuinely follow him. “Let your light so shine before people that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven” (Matthew 5:16). What if you don’t reflect that light? What if you don’t shine? Then people cannot tell the difference between a Christian and a secular person. If that is the case, why would anyone want to waste time and energy devoting themselves to something other than themselves?

Worldly churches have little influence and lose members because they are no different from the culture. This is the case with churches where the Bible is distorted and disbelieved. Today many formerly large denominations are a shell of their former selves and a tithe of their former size because they have reinterpreted the Bible, rejected it’s authority and embraced contemporary cultural ethics. Then there are churches where relevance has taken precedence over the Bible. They may technically agree with orthodox Christian teaching, but they don’t emphasize anything controversial or counter-cultural. They teach practical advice and preach personal happiness. Some of these are churches where style and slick production is more important than biblical substance. In both of these types of churches—-the liberal, heterodox, or the surface conservative where relevance trumps all—people are unaffected by the truth of Christ. People leave, attend sporadically or live lives that are no different than their neighbors who do not go to church.

Those of us who are saved, are saved from this cursed world. We have been given hope in a life beyond our earthly existence. I am a new creation, set free from the three forces that kept me blind, lost and spiritually dead: the world, the flesh and the devil. The life I live on in this body on earth, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and proved it when he died on the cross to save me. I must live this out daily. Then sinners will see and change their minds about God and about this world (Psalm 51:13).

The church of which I am Senior Pastor is called Lifewell for a reason. Jesus promised to make within each believer a wellspring of water overflowing with eternal life (John 4:14). That is God-quality abundant life. We want people to see this life lived through us and to be drawn to the God who gives it.

There is no good life apart from God, even non-believers benefit from the faith of God’s people. That is what is holding this rebellious, increasingly godless nation together at this moment.  Maybe what held your life together when you were in a state of rebellion and practical atheism was the prayers of a faithful grandma, or friends who refused to give up on you.
Believers are by no means given material advantages; in fact, the opposite may be true in many cases. However, the internal wellbeing produced by spiritual life within is its own reward far above wealth. God himself is the reward to his people (like the Levitical priests, cf. Deut. 18:2)

“Those who come to him must believe that he exists and he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek after him” (Hebrews 11:6).
See also, Isaiah 40:10, 62:11, Gal. 3:14, Col. 1:27, Eph. 3:16-21.
“As a deer longs for flowing streams,
so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and behold
the face of God?”
(Psalm 42)

We live in a world where life with God and apart from God coexist. If you claim to know God, it is imperative that you live that life to the fullest, and live it openly. People who have no faith need to see the difference. Is there a difference in you? If not, you don’t really believe in this good and loving God, who sent his Son to give eternal life. Jesus promised to give a rich an satisfying life.

“The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy. I have come to give abundant life” (John 10:10).

Sayonara Nissan!

“For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?”
From The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot

Now I will measure my ministry in Nissans.
-Pastor D

Throughout my time at this church there have been some hard times, and many of those have been related to money, or the lack of it. But I’ve always had a nice car to drive. I’ve had a 16 year relationship with Nissan that, it appears now will end. The “why” is inexplicable. NMAC (Nissan’s finance company) simply will not offer the same loyalty lease deal they’ve given me since 1999. This is strange since I’ve leased FIVE cars from them. Oh, well, Sayonara Nissan!

This has brought me to evaluate what’s happened in our church during that time period. I can chart the changes that have taken place by going from Nissan to Nissan.

1999 Nissan Maxima
It all began in 1999. That’s when I got my first ever new car. It was a black Nissan Maxima with tan leather interior. Prior to this I had always purchased used cars, most of them were just transportation, nothing special. In 1999 Nissan advertised a lease deal on their Maxima. I had a friend who drove one and spoke highly of it. The six cylinder engine Nissan put in these had a good reputation for power and reliability. Additionally, this was the only large, four door passenger car with a standard transmission. So, in February of 1999, I started driving a Maxima. I really liked it.

I was youth minister at this time, and, of course, I wanted to show off the new car. One Sunday night a group of teenagers and youth volunteers came over to my apartment after church. We were practicing a skit for the following week. One of the adults was playing on my computer and suggested we go to Dunkin Donuts. It was late by then, but the donut shop is open 24hrs. A group of us piled into the new Maxima, and, well, the rest is history.

There were a lot of police cars at Dunkin Donuts that night. Being the responsible adult that I was, I noted the time (around 1:00 AM) and told everyone we needed to get back to the apartment. I thought everyone was over 17 (curfew would have been midnight for anyone younger), but honestly I wasn’t sure. On our way back a couple of the teens in my car wanted me to see a statue at a local “Buddhist temple” (it’s still there, and I really don’t know what religion they are, but that’s what we called it). I agreed, but had to make a (legal) u-turn to get to the street where they said I could see a statue sitting in the middle of a man-made pond. When we got there you couldn’t see anything because the fence was covered in plastic. I didn’t let anyone get out of my car, and we pulled away.

Two of Garland’s finest pulled us over as I turned onto the next street. The end result was a false arrest and my new car getting dented by the police as they wrestled with an adult passenger. The car was impounded overnight. I hadn’t had it for two weeks at that point. Btw, if you want to learn more about this incident, which is quite relevant and informative relative to bad police, you can read it here http://wp.me/p42WJH-f

As a result of this incident, my reputation was damaged, far more seriously than the new car. The pastor of the church where I served as a minister at the time stated that he planned to make my position part-time by the summer. This necessitated a change, whether I was ready or not.

On occasion prior to this incident I had considered the possibility that God might one day call me to start a church. In fact, I had even discussed this with some of the very volunteers who had been over at my apartment that fateful night. I believed I saw the need to craft a church to reach those who were unreached by traditional churches. When I broached the topic with the pastor of the church were I served, he was in favor of the idea, so much so that he facilitated its implementation.

On July 4th, 1999 we started a brand new church called City of Refuge. Our first worship service was held a a local park called 111 Ranch. The idea behind the name and the church related directly to the incident that precipitated its existence: a City of Refuge is a place where those who are presumed guilty can be free of judgement.

We met for small group Bible study in a house that doubled as the pastor’s residence, dubbed “the Baltimore house” from the street it occupied. We met for worship in the ballrooms of hotels, in parks and wherever we could find space. We spent a great deal of time, energy and money putting on a dramatic outreach called House of Judgement. This had begun many years earlier and was at its peak at this point.

2002 Nissan Maxima
My lease on the ’99 Maxima was up in 2002. If memory and my calculation is accurate it was the summer of that year when I leased a 2002 Maxima. NMAC (Nissan Motor Acceptance Corp) was kind enough to recognize my responsible payment history and pre-approve me with tier one financing without a credit application. Good thing, because I’d been through a lot of difficulty by that time.

911 had happened the previous year, and the entire nation had begun to change. Our church was changing too; many things had happened and not all of them good. Some key leaders who I had been mentoring left the church, and not all of them continued to live for Christ. In fact, I discovered that some of them had been hypocrites all along. To make things worse, these young men whom I’d spent many years teaching were saying some pretty awful things behind my back. I felt betrayed.

On December 2nd of 2002 something happened to me that continues to have a serious impact on my daily life. In the morning I woke up to a beautiful, sunny day. By 1:00pm I had lost the hearing in my right ear and was experiencing severe vertigo. I lay in bed for a week, unable to move without becoming dizzy and nauseous. To make things worse, I suffer from tinnitus; when the right ear went deaf, the ringing in it didn’t go away but increased until it was nothing less than torment. I went to several doctors, but none could help me. Eventually the vertigo subsided, but I am still deaf in my right ear to all but the loudest of outside noise. The ringing is continuous and as loud as normal conversation, which I am able to hear in my left ear. This is a constant drain on my energy as I strain to pay attention and make out what people are saying.

The church was not able to pay me a full salary and I was unable to find a full-time job to supplement the erratic income. Let’s just say, as my reputation had been damaged at the beginning, so now my credit had been damaged too. This was a dark, depressing time, and I was very grateful for my car. Everything else seemed to be falling apart, but at least I had something nice to drive.

At this time I was living with a member of our church. He had an old Geo Metro sitting behind his garage. It was an ugly, turquoise, three cylinder buzz box. However, I remember thinking that maybe I should try to buy that car instead of leasing another new one. It would have saved money. My pride got the better of me, and the Lord was merciful and gracious. Even so, I still wonder if I should have humbled myself (further) by trying to buy that car. This is all the more thought provoking when I consider my present situation. We’ll return to that at the conclusion.

In 2002 all of our church meetings were held at an old movie house called the Ridgewood Theater. We had begun to renovate the facility, but discovered many things that needed to be addressed. We continued to produced House of Judgement here. Additionally, I wrote and we produced plays for Christmas and Easter. Many people came to our theatrical events, but in spite of this numerical success, our worship service attendance was quite modest. One reason was, we discovered that the building we were leasing had no heat. Winter worship services were very cold indeed, especially since they were held on Sunday nights. I am sure there were significant spiritual reasons that trumped this problem, not the least of which was a need for more faith.

The Lord led me through a time of discovering, learning, applying and leaning on the promises he has for his people in the Bible. When God makes a promise you and I must hear it and heed it. We must have faith in God as a good and loving Father who will fulfill His promises, even when circumstances don’t support what we believe God is saying. I saw many amazing promises about me and our church during this period, but there was little happening to validate them. I still believed.

At this time I wanted us to move on from being the City of Refuge to become a city set on a hill for all to see, like Jerusalem. I wanted our church to take hold of the promises God has offered his people. Often the name Zion is attached to those promises in the Old Testament. It was another name for the city of Jerusalem and represented God’s people. That seemed like an amazing name, which had an ancient origin and resonance in the culture of 2002. We officially became Zion Church in February of 2002— three years after the incident that moved me to start City of Refuge.

I remember after picking up the new Maxima I preached a sermon on faith, and illustrated it by playing a scene from Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. In the scene Yoda is teaching Luke Skywalker how to be a Jedi when Luke’s X-Wing fighter sinks into a swamp right before their eyes. Yoda inspires Luke to attempt to use the Force to raise the ship from beneath the mire, but the apprentice Jedi fails. Why? Yoda easily raises the ship, then an astonished Luke Skywalker puts his hand out and touches it as he says, “I, I can’t believe it.” Yoda responds, “And that is why you fail.” Most of those who were at church the night I used this illustration were aware of our difficulties financially. I encouraged them to resolve their own problems by putting complete faith in a good and loving God who promises and provides for His children. Then I told them to go outside and touch the car I believed God had provided. I had parked it next to the entrance to our meeting place.

2002 was also the year that we began to have a real youth ministry again. Until that time, the church was populated with so many (older) teenagers that it seemed the entire congregation was a youth group. However, we needed a dedicated ministry to junior high and high school students. Craig Wilson had graduated from Baylor and returned to Garland. When asked, he responded to the call and began to lead our small youth group.

2006 Nissan Altima SE-R
My lease on the ’02 was up by 2006 and I really didn’t like the body style of the latest Maximas. A salesman talked me into a limited edition Altima, called the SE-R. It had a lot of the features of Nissan’s 350Z, and that sold me. Of all the Nissans that I leased, that Altima is the only one I would have purchased at the end had they offered a good enough deal (which they didn’t). In fact, in my present situation I’ve considered buying one. They made a limited number in 2005 and 2006 and they’re hard to find, but who knows? Once again Nissan offered pre-approved credit and a really good deal, and once again this is something I wouldn’t have qualified for on paper. Credit bureaus are not forgiving entities. So, I praised God for the blessing.

By 2006 we were a very different church. Young people grow up and move on. They change, their needs change, and they are impatient for things around them to change. From 1999 to 2006 we lost and gained many people. The church retained a small core of strong leaders. Yet, instead of being a church comprised largely of 16-22 year olds, we now embraced a much broader age range.

I officiated the weddings of a number of our leaders in 2005 and ‘06. We had transformed from a church of mainly singles into a church with increasing numbers of families. We had a growing number of youth by this time due to the leadership of Craig Wilson, who now had a wonderful wife to help him. Craig married Rachel in 2005.

Also, I met and began to mentor a young person in Craig’s group named Aaron Cloud. The first thing this 14 year old kid told me was that he wanted to be a pastor some day. So, I believed I needed to teach him. This was the first time I’d spent any significant amount of time with a young teenager since we started the church.

We moved to downtown Garland in 2004, where we met at the Main Street Coffee House initially. Later we leased space from a Seventh Day Adventist church (which worked out because they worship on Saturdays). Soon we began worshiping on Sunday mornings, which was, in part, an effort to meet the needs of families with young children. However, I also think we had become more comfortable with being a church. There is an element of tradition behind church. People (especially in our part of the country) expect churches to meet for worship on Sunday morning; we had probably come to share that expectation. At times we’ve tried to revive Sunday evening services, usually as an option in addition to Sunday morning, but this has been largely unsuccessful.

2006 was the last year we produced House of Judgement. The next year one of our founding members passed away suddenly from cancer. Chuck Tomasek was a dedicated youth worker and tireless volunteer for every dramatic production we did. We have missed him greatly.

2009 Nissan Maxima
NMAC made their usual loyalty offer and I turned the Altima in for a new Maxima. The body style had changed and I liked it much better. However, Nissan no longer had a manual transmission option, which I missed. This was the most luxurious car I’ve had the privilege of calling my own.

By this time the church considered downtown Garland home. For a year we sublet space from the Garland Opry in one of the oldest buildings in downtown Garland. It is right on the Square at the corner of Sixth and State. In 2009 we leased it on our own and that’s where we remain.

The church continued to grow in diversity, even if our numbers remained relatively small. What began as an outreach to young people had now become a church for people of all ages. That is not to say we had lost our youth appeal. In fact, due to the long and hard work of Craig Wilson our youth group comprised half of our typical Sunday morning worship attendance. We funded large numbers of teenagers to attend camp each year and had to rent a 55 passenger bus to get them there.

It was during this lease that I met and began to mentor three teenagers, two brothers and their friend. I’ve never come close to going over on the number of miles allotted me under a lease contract, but I added many additional miles to the ’09 Maxima picking these kids up and driving them around. For the first time, I had to be cautious about how much I drove! I spent more time and money on these kids than any I’ve worked with, and I’ve worked with many young people. I’m not boasting; rather, I’m disappointed, in them, in myself. At first, they seemed to be receptive to what I taught them, and I was happy to spend the time and energy investing in their lives. As time went on, however, they each continued to get into trouble at school, to become less and less interested in Christian faith, and to become increasingly immoral. I persevered, but all they did was take advantage of my willingness to give them rides and buy them meals. The jury is still out on these kids because they haven’t yet reached maturity. I hope they are open to the Lord as he seeks to correct them by bringing on the consequences of their poor choices. Far more than that, I hope they each have a change of heart before they wreck a significant portion of their young lives.

We began leasing the upper floor in our building in 2010 to provide space for children and youth. One of our members left shortly before this because he and his wife determined that we didn’t have enough space for their kids. I have always tried to make certain that we provide for children, even if, as a single man, some have assumed that I am not concerned about our kids. Honestly, nothing infuriates me more than this misperception.

During this time period I moved to downtown Garland, first living in some new apartments that were a block away from the building our church leases, then moving above the church so that we can continue to afford the space for our kids. I was able to move out after about a year, but have had to move back in for the last two years to keep us in the space.

Our church has sought to be visible and active in downtown Garland. We have an entry in the Labor Day parade, pass out free hot chocolate during Christmas on the Square, and I participate in the Downtown Business Association. Downtown is changing and we are here for that reason.

2012 Nissan Altima
On February 14 of 2012 I turned the ’09 Maxima in early and started driving another Altima. This was strictly a financial decision. The dealership called me to take the car early, and I asked them to give me a deal with a lower payment. This has been a good car, but nothing exciting. In two weeks I’ll turn it in and not look back.

After a decade as Zion Church, I led us to change the name again. This time it was not because of changes in our church so much as changes in the world around us. The name Zion didn’t have the same cultural resonance as we sensed in the early 2000’s. Islamic extremism, cults and general misunderstanding by some older people led me to pray about a new name. Zion’s motto was “Spirit and Truth”; it came from the narrative of Jesus and the Samaritan Woman. She had asked him where someone should worship, and Jesus responded: “those who worship God must worship in Spirit and in Truth. Lifewell comes from the same story. Jesus told the woman that if she asked, he could give her water that would become in her a well of water springing up to eternal life (4:11 & 14). Later in John, the Lord promised that He would give water that would become “streams of living water flow(ing) from within” (John 7:38). These streams of water are identified as the Holy Spirit. “By this he meant the Spirit, whom those hwo believed in him were later to receive” (John 7:39). So, we seek to preach Jesus in order to bring that living water to people. The Holy Spirit will live within anyone who will believe in and receive and call on Jesus to save them. Therefore, not only do we receive life, but we become channels of that life for others.

Our church revised it’s founding documents, and, most importantly, it’s mission statement. The new mission statement contains phrases from each of the previous phases of the church:
City of Refuge, Zion and now Lifewell.
It reads:

Lifewell Church is called out to be a refuge, worshiping God in the Spirit and in truth, reaching the unreached with the Gospel and learning to live well through faith in
Jesus Christ.

I thought the church would experience numeric growth after we made this very significant change. We have not, yet. We have continued to persevere and mature. We have been tested and tried. People have left the church and gone on to larger congregations. But those who remain will be blessed, I believe. Indeed they already have been.

Our leaders began having children, and I have become like a grandparent. I love these kids. Although I’ve always been concerned about the kids who come to our church, I’ve not interacted with them. Over the last several years all that changed. The biggest change came when Craig and Rachel’s daughter Jubilee began to talk, and talk to me! Then they had Asher. I’ve never held a toddler who likes me as this boy does. Now all the kids like me. Dean and Tasha’s daughter Maddy asks many questions about Jesus, Ransom talks to me and shows me his toys. I love these kids. I really do.

I believe the church is in its basic final form, but there are still changes, improvements and growth coming.

Sayonara Nissan!
Well, Nissan didn’t offer me a new lease this time, and no one with NMAC can tell me exactly why. Loyalty is not rewarded any longer, it would seem. I believe in Providence, however, that God is working all things together for my good. There is a reason for this and I am seeking to discover it. There is a path to take and I am searching for it. I’m sure that’s the main reason I’ve spent all day writing this overview of our church’s history. I want to know where to go and what to do next, and that is not just a concern for what I’ll be driving in two weeks when this lease is up.

Regret is a terrible thing. We cannot change the past. There are plenty of things I’d do differently in leading our church. “Hindsight is 20/20,” as the cliche’ goes. However, I believe in a God of second chances; indeed, He offers many chances. He forgives the past when we confess, and He offers us a new future. So, here I am in a similar position to 2002 when I thought about trying to buy that old Geo Metro. This time, it appears, I don’t have the option to just slip into another new car. I checked on a Honda yesterday, and even after 14 years my credit is not tier one. Credit Bureaus are not forgiving. The initial offer before they checked my credit was great, then they came back and upped the lease price by TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer, and that, my friend, is an established fact. Our financial system is at fault for this. I’ve paid my car payment on time every single month for three years. I’ve never missed a payment in 16 years. I’ve paid off a student loan after 30 years. None of that matters, apparently. At least, not enough to elevate my credit to the status it was in 1999.

Providence. What is God saying? What is God preparing to do? I’ve been unwilling to humble myself by driving an old car again because I have so little in my life the looks anything like achievement. At least a new car spoke of some degree of success. Now what? Honestly, I’ve told the Lord that I’ll drive a used car again. I’m certainly not going to pay the ridiculous interest they want to charge me to lease or buy right now. But what does God want? What is His will? I doubt that I was supremely concerned about that in the financial area back in 2002. Perhaps this is a test. Well, I will drive anything He wills. My pride is withering quickly.

Most importantly, I will go anywhere, and I will do anything the Lord calls me to. I have almost no debt at this point. I may have to take a loan from my annuity to buy a car, but technically that’s not debt because it’s my money. Without debt I’m free to do what the Lord wills without restraint. So, exactly what is that? Where do we go from here, God…?

“Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet — and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.”
-T.S. Eliot, Prufrock

Church Addict

I confess, I am an addict… a church addict. I’ve been going since I was 16. Church didn’t save me: Jesus Christ did—and is. Although church people have been some of my closer friends, I’ve been hurt deeply by them. Church people have wrecked my reputation with rumor and gossip, judged me and assassinated my character in the community. Many more have simply turned away and treated me like a stranger. The reality is, although most church people would claim to believe in Jesus, they aren’t any more like him for the professed belief, and are no worse or better than anybody else in the world. Jesus had the most difficulty with the church people of his day (synagogue people, they could be called), but he still attended and participated every week.

I’ve been in church every Sunday morning for over 30 years. I think I’ve missed twice since I made a commitment to Christ and got baptized. That changes today. I’m not going to church this morning. It’s 6:15 A. M. and I thought I’d sleep-in today, but I’m wide awake, going through withdrawals at the prospect of not being in church. You see, I’m the pastor of our congregation, and I’ve challenged everyone to stop playing church, to stop (just) going to church, and to start being the church.

We are going to try something today, and throughout the summer. I’ve called it The UnChurch Experiment. I told everyone we won’t have church on Sunday morning this summer. Instead, I told them, be the church to the unchurched by shining your light where the unchurched go. Then we’ll gather Sunday at 5:30 P. M. to share our stories and worship.

Now, when we started our church, there was no morning worship service, but I still met with our most dedicated people for brunch and Bible study during that time. With this UnChurch Experiment, though, I won’t be teaching, preaching or even attending church. It’s unsettling. That’s part of the purpose. We need to take risks, shine our light out in the world, and be deliberate about sharing the Gospel with people who have less exposure to it. We need to bring Jesus to people who have less opportunity to hear and receive. Sounds good. I’m still going through withdrawals, though.

Here are the ten assignments I’ve given to our people for Sunday mornings.
1. Invite some unchurched friends and/or family to brunch, ask if you may pray for their needs.
2. Go somewhere fun and find an unchurched person to check out Lifewell Worship
3. Do a service project with your friends and/or family.
4. Relax and relate with your family: no electronic devices or TV, just face to face contact.
5. Read your Bible for one hour without interruption, then post to a social network about what you learned. Invite people on your network to Lifewell Worship.
6. Knock on a neighbor’s door and share something with them. Invite them to check out Lifewell Worship.
7. Make a video to share the Gospel, i.e., interview some people about a relevant topic that may be used as a catalyst for sharing the Gospel. Tell them it will be played at a Lifewell gathering.
8. Walk or ride bikes at a park near your house and meet others. Invite them to Lifewell Worship.
9. Walk the ROC neighborhood (an area where there are many apartments) and invite people to Lifewell UnChurch Worship at 5:30p.m.
10. Volunteer somewhere. Shine your light and tell everyone about Jesus. Invite people to Lifewell Worship.

So, it’s Sunday morning: time to be the church.

The UnChurch Experiment

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Lifewellchurch.com will be doing something different for the summer. Perhaps you can incorporate this challenge into your own church experience, or apply it in some way to your walk with God.

Beginning June 1st we will not meet on Sunday morning…   for the rest of the summer! 

Do not to go to church anywhere Sunday morning; instead, be the church to the unchurched by shining your light where the unchurched go. 

We will gather together each Sunday at 5:00 p.m. to hear your stories, then we’ll worship our God in Spirit and Truth at 5:30.

10 UnChurch Experiment Assignments.

1. Invite some unchurched friends and/or family to brunch, ask if you may pray for their needs. 
2. Go somewhere fun and find an unchurched person to check out Lifewell UnChurch Worship
3. Do a service project with your friends and/or family. 
4. Relax and relate with your family: no electronic devices or TV, just face to face contact. 
5. Read your Bible for one hour without interruption, then post to a social network about what you learned. Invite people on your network to Lifewell UnChurch Worship.
6. Knock on a neighbor’s door and share something with them. Invite them to check out Lifewell UnChurch Worship.
7. Make a video to share the Gospel, i.e., interview some people about a relevant topic that may be used as a catalyst for sharing the Gospel. Tell them it will be played at a Lifewell gathering.
8. Walk or ride bikes at a park near your house and meet others. Invite them to Lifewell UnChurch Worship.
9. Walk the ROC neighborhood (an older and poorer area of town densely populated with apartments) and invite people to Lifewell UnChurch Worship at 5:30p.m.
10. Volunteer somewhere. Shine your light and tell everyone about Jesus. Invite people to Lifewell UnChurch Worship.

Non-conformist Christianity

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Christianity in the West has, for quite some time, been about cultural conformity, and very little, if at all, about the life and teachings of Jesus. It used to be that growing up in the United States meant you were exposed to Christian values, even if you chose to ignore or rebel against them. Not so today. To conform with Western culture, more specifically the American version, is to be at odds with the values of Christ. Therefore, in order to be a Christian, the kind of Christian that lives according to values taught by the biblical Jesus, you will need to become a non-conformist.

There are still vestiges of Christian culture, and plenty of people who appreciate it— even if they don’t really live by following Jesus— so, you’ll have a few friends. However, genuinely following Jesus Christ’s teaching will put you at odds with the majority. Your lifestyle will appear strange, and many of your choices will alienate you, even from church people. This is okay… if you believe what Jesus said.

“If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you” (John 15:18-19, ESV).

Don’t assume that “the world” in Jesus’ statement refers only to secular culture. It includes the church and its culture too. Remember, it was the most religious and well respected people who were the architects of Jesus’ execution. These were the guardians of culture in a society founded on religion. It was they who failed to recognize that God had come to visit. They confused their system of ritual, liturgy and law with God. The Romans worshiped strength and their own power. These first century Jewish leaders actually worshiped their own religious power. Jesus threatened that; he made them jealous; they had him killed.

In our day I’m no longer surprised when priests and ministers are exposed as frauds or moral failures. There are too many who are in religious leadership for the wrong reasons. I would be more surprised if every high profile leader or celebrity pastor were actually as pure as they pretend to be. Freud had at least one thing right, there exist ego defense mechanisms employed by people to protect their public personae. Among these defense mechanisms, Sigmund identified what he called “reaction formation,” wherein a person comes out publicly against something that they are actually practicing (or at least are harboring).

An example of this may be observed in the 1999 movie American Beauty. Ricky is the son of a homophobe. Ricky becomes friends with his next door neighbor Jane. Jane’s father is Lester (played by Kevin Spacey), who has a crush on one of Jane’s female friends. One day Ricky’s homophobic father comes on to Lester. After Lester rebuffs the surprising sexual advance, Ricky’s father shoots and kills Lester. The idea, I believe, is not that the man hated Lester, but he was driven by shame to kill what he hated about himself. Reaction formation is what is behind the shooter’s public hatred of homosexuals. One wonders about the late Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church…

People are attracted to money, sex and power. When religion offers a way to obtain any of the three, there will those who pursue it for that reason rather than the purported spiritual purpose. So, the answer to non-conformity with the world is not conformity to a religion, denomination,or church’s cultural expectations. In fact, the conservative expressions of church in the U.S.A. may be little more than the conservation of an older iteration of American culture, which may have some values that derive from the teachings of Jesus, but some that do not.

We seem to have selective memory when it comes to our longing for a bygone era. Peruse the fiction aisles of a Christian bookstore and you’ll encounter many novels which are set in the pioneer days. This seems to be a golden era in the minds of conservative Christians. The women all have long dresses and bonnets on their heads, the men are strong, family oriented and honorable. However, an honest examination of history would find many non-Christian values and religious expressions, during this time period. Then there’s slavery and racism. The pictures on the covers of these books are of white people. People of color probably do not look back at the 1800’s with nostalgic longing.

It doesn’t matter if you attend church or fancy yourself an atheist, you cannot escape the influence of culture. Those of us who seek to follow Jesus, however, need to stage a rebellion. I’m not thinking about a new monastic movement, or withdrawing from society like the Amish. We need to change our thinking and change our ways. We need to eschew conformity to either the secular or religious cultures and have our minds renewed by the truth of God. We need awakening. We need transformation. We need a resurrection.

This all begins with dissatisfaction. If think you’re all you need to be, if you have all you want, then you’ll never change. Jesus said he came to cure those who are sick, not affirm those who think they’re well (Matthew 9:12-13). He is the light of the world, but those who think they see, never will. “The god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelieving, so that they might not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God” (2 Corinthians 4:4).

Dissatisfaction with the world system, with our culture, may then lead us to a willingness to look elsewhere for happiness and fulfillment. “We walk by faith and not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7), so the ability to look elsewhere requires faith. Believe in the existence of a loving, almighty Creator. Trust him. Seek God by looking to the one who claimed to be his only born son. Jesus is “the radiance of God’s glory, the exact representation of his nature” (Hebrews 1:3). No one has ever seen God, but Jesus has explained Him (John 1:18). He is the image of the invisible God” (Colossians 1:15), and “in him all the fullness of God lives bodily” (Colossians 2:9). Jesus boldly proclaimed, “He who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). If you want to know the truth and be free, then follow Jesus Christ and his teaching (John 8:31-32).

Our churches must become communities of non-conformity by virtue of taking the teachings of Jesus seriously and doing what the Lord commanded. Our lives must be consumed with love for God, rather than love of money. We must love one another the way Jesus loved us, rather than loving ourselves and seeking our own agendas. We must love our neighbors as ourselves, instead of loving stuff and envying those neighbors who have more than us. We must learn to be sacrificial servants, rather than self-seeking and self-serving consumers.

We must learn to worship and enjoy God’s presence in our everyday activities instead of constantly seeking to be entertained. We must reign in our insatiable and increasingly perverse sexual appetites. Pornography, fornication, adultery and homosexuality, all of which are practiced widely (even in churches), must immediately and completely stop in the lives of Christ’s followers. The love of guns, love of violence, bloodlust, all must become abhorrent to us. Guns are tools. I don’t love my shovel, my crescent wrench, or my blender.

We need to stop depending upon chemicals to make us happy or keep our moods positive. Alcohol, marijuana, antidepressants, energy drinks, cocaine or meth: it doesn’t matter, if I’m relying on the chemical instead of God, then it’s an idol and it has to go. “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12); “all things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. All things are lawful, but not all things build up” (1 Corinthians 10:23).

If this is going to happen it will require a death. The death is the old me, my old self. That will not happen, indeed it cannot, through my own efforts. I don’t have the desire or courage to begin the process. Self-denial, self-discipline and harsh treatment of my body won’t change me on the inside. Faith in the crucified and resurrected Jesus, however, will. “For I have been crucified with Christ and no longer do I live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

I don’t think a non-conforming community of Jesus should avoid the world or avoid the culture, though. We need to engage people who are enthralled with culture and inured to religion with a real and relevant and renewed counter-culture centered on Jesus and his teachings. I’m not sure how all this looks yet, but I’m seeking and getting a sense of how it feels. Anyone else interested in joining the non-conformist revolution? Start with a serious reading of Jesus teaching to his followers about what it means to live out life like a follower. You’ll find it in Matthew chapters five, six and seven.

People Pleasing Pastor

I’ve never been one to overtly seek to people please, but I certainly do like to be liked and would love to be loved. I just don’t want that to be a part of my reputation. Let me tell you a secret that’s not really much of one, though. We pastors have to be people pleasers to a degree or our churches will be empty. We have to be political. We cannot always, or even usually, be candid. Why? I don’t know why I’m telling you what you already know. People don’t want the truth, even the ones who say they do. They want an image. They want their existing beliefs and prejudices reinforced. The speaker who can do that well will have a large listening audience.

I have tried to please people. I have tried to please everyone in my church. I have done a bad job. Our church was started to reach people who don’t go to church. That can be young or old, but early on we had a ministry to youth, largely. As the church has matured we have attracted older people, and I’ve sought to make this an environment to, well, please them.

Our band can be loud, so I sought to control the volume by building a room for the drummer. I led our church to purchase nice carpet to replace the old, chairs to replace the ancient theater seats that were once bolded to the floor. I’ve tried to have services at various times: early Sunday, Saturday evening. We’ve done campaigns by Rick Warren, which some of the people I was trying to please disliked. Nothing works. The people I’ve sought to keep happy aren’t and do not stay. I just don’t have what it takes to keep them.

I’m not from the South. I’m not a Texan. I’m not married. I don’t have kids. I preach too long. I don’t know, but, obviously, when we keep losing people to larger and/or established churches (ironic since our church is nearly 15 now). There are times when I’m ready to move back out West. Start another church. Leave the ministry altogether. I don’t know. I just want to do God’s will, and I’m tired of trying to please these people!

Stuff happens. In any human community, and that includes churches, there are conflicts, issues to resolve, feelings to assuage. What gets old is the tendency to blame the pastor for all of it. We do this with leaders. Look at how people seem to believe that the President of the U. S. A. is somehow to blame for all of the nations problems. You might be surprised at how little the man can actually do. As leaders we must take responsibility, however. We have to try to solve problems, but that doesn’t mean we are the problem. Now, that doesn’t mean I have no issues or am not a contributor to difficulties. I try not to be. I want to help, not cause or exacerbate problems.

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot please everyone. There are people who are intractable, incorrigible, and implacable. There are also great people who just don’t agree with me, or like me, or who perpetually take me the wrong way. I have to accept that and love them anyhow. I have to allow that some will join our church and then will eventually chose to go somewhere else.

Now, will that conclusion (that I cannot possibly please everyone) stop me from trying? I hope so. I’m not giving myself permission to be unkind to people, nor am I validating a self-centered approach to relationships. Love must be the basis for every human relationship. I will seek to love people. However, love doesn’t mean I must always try to do what makes others happy. Love means doing what’s best for others, even if I don’t like it: even if they don’t like it. “Love rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:6), so I must be willing to tell the truth to others, although that’s painful to them and to me at times.
“I am what I am by the grace of God, and his grace toward me was not without effect” (1 Corinthians 15:10). I’m not Super Pastor. I’m just Pastor D. I’ll be me. I’ll let Christ do his work through my personality. I’ll keep learning and growing and changing where I need to become more Christlike. But I’m going to stop trying be someone or something I’m not, even if that means my church never gains MEGA status.

 

American Samsara

The ruins of my civilization

are burning,

and I am bleeding

from wounds inflicted by friends

and sons, and sons of hell

who sit in church pews and pray

for things to go well.

It is Jabez’s prayer

for them to prosper and be in health,

even as their souls

that long for worldly wealth.

They sing praise to their gods

Mamon, Baal and Ashtoreth,

and they mate

with the perfect mate

to make beautiful offspring,

whose spirits will be fed

to the gods that led

their parents to copulate.

Then the cycle of American samsara

begins again…

But I have found Nirvana:

no, not heaven,

not even paradise,

but in truth.

I have seen the Matrix,

and I have escaped to reality.

I was blind but now I see

the picture within the gaudy frame.

It is the perfect speciman

of a man who stands

confidantly upon a rock

overlooking the sea,

a multitude of this Prince’s people

all gathered in a valley.

Waves of orgy undulate

as these noble cannibals mutilate

and consume one another raw,

while the Prince of light

peals back his lips to bare his stunning white

teeth in a brilliant smile.

(written circa 2001)

Vindication, Part 8, Popularity and Brokenness

This is the eighth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first seven parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

 

I don’t want to sound jaded or cynical, but so much of what I see in regard to church and ministry may be explained by the politics of the playground. You remember elementary school, right? Actually, this applies to school all the way through college, but the playground is a seedbed and an accessible example. Starting in kindergarten there are popular and unpopular kids, as well as many in the middle. Those in the middle determine who is popular by virtue of whom they decide to follow. 

 

There was a game that was often played when I was in grade school that illustrates this. A group of kids would join hands and walk shoulder to shoulder through the playground chanting, “Hey, hey, get out of my way, I just got back from the USA!” The group grew when other kids joined it by taking the hand of a member at either end of the chorus line. If the kids at both ends thought you had cooties or something, then you didn’t get to join that group. There were usually competing groups marching around and chanting loudly. Sometimes two groups would stand opposite one another and battle by screaming, perhaps bumping each other. A kid or two might join an opposing group, usually because it was larger, or had more popular people in it. The larger groups gained members quickly, while the smaller groups grew more slowly or simply disbanded (some or all of their members joining a larger group).  Many people like to be a part of something big.

 

None of these groups was spontaneous; someone started each one by recruiting the first members, then marching and chanting to advertise for more. I’m sure you’ve already jumped ahead to my intended application. Churches are really no different than these chorus lines on the playground. Although, I would hope a church has higher aspirations than merely gaining more members. If the main point of a church’s existence is increasing numerically, then how is that church any different from, say, a gym, a restaurant, or a store? All of these are striving to gain more loyal customers.

 

The word for church in the original Greek means “called out.” I have always believed the New Testament teaching about church: it is a community God has called out from the world to worship him, support one another, learn to follow Christ’s teaching, and offer the Gospel to the world (see Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 2:42-47 & 4:32-35). As we proclaim the resurrected Jesus and live out his love in the world, God calls people to become a part of his Kingdom and join our communities. “And he added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:47).

 

Therefore, the big difference between playground politics and church membership should be the God factor. We (pastors, teachers, evangelists, every day Christians) broadcast the Good News and those who receive it are called by God to be part of a community of fellow believers. That call happens when God’s Holy Spirit draws or compels a person to become part of a local church. Here is where I get negative, perhaps you would say skeptical (hopefully not cynical). I don’t think most people are paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Many misconstrue their own feelings as God moving. The reality is, a lot of people are just following the popular impulse to attend a particular church because others like them are there. Many seek to identify with an attractive brand, or affiliate with what appears to be a trustworthy institution. The pastor and his family look like our kind of people, so we want to be a part of their group.

 

The “why” of popularity has been a source of consideration and consternation for me since first grade (I never went to kindergarten). Why am I not popular? I remember running for class office in fourth grade. I spent all night putting together packets with candy to bribe class members into voting for me. I got two votes (yes, mine was one of them). In high school I would never have dreamed of trying to run for office, but in government class my senior year there was an election for some office. I ran on a platform that included legalization of marijuana (a transparent attempt to get the stoner vote), and lost. In college I started a Bible study at the Baptist Student Union. I put up flyers all over campus. I had one freshman who kept attending, and that was it. I tried to get on the BSU steering committee and was denied by the BSU director. He said that my efforts at personal evangelism would somehow be hindered by having a position on the committee. In the end he just didn’t like me (not hostility, just simple rejection). Why don’t more people like me? 

 

We started the church I lead the same year as two others in our region. Both of these churches are large, ours is not. I’m sure that there are other congregations that started the same year which don’t even exist any longer. Reportedly, 32% of all new church plants fail within five years (NAMB report http://www.namb.net/namb1cb2col.aspx?id=8590001104 ) I know of one congregation in our city that started several years before ours, became quite large, then folded. Perhaps focusing on our continued survival could be a source of consolation for me, but it isn’t. I always thought if God led me to start a church, it would grow large. I was saved in a large church. I know the importance of evangelism and preach the Gospel. I once ran a ministry that introduced thousands of people to Christ (House of Judgement was used to lead over 10,000 people to pray a prayer of salvation). So, why in heaven and earth has the church I lead not grown beyond a hundred or so (at times a few more, at others, many less)?

 

Perhaps it is because I am not married. People are looking for a pastor who is a family man, for a father of children, for a husband of a lovely wife. Sorry, that’s not my call. God hasn’t shown me anyone to marry, and I will not jump into a relationship to make other people happy with me. Perhaps it is because I do not have an appealing appearance. I have crooked teeth and don’t smile as often as I’d like to because of self-consciousness. I guess this is my fault by now. If I spent money on the dentist like I have Apple products, I’d have a beautiful smile. But wait, I thought the church was, well, supernatural, a community of people who have been called out of the world, not a social group who have decided to cluster around a handsome, charismatic leader. As a reminder, last Monday (11-19-2-13) marked 35 years since 900 people committed suicide at the command of cult leader Jim Jones.

 

Is it my sin that keeps the church from growing? Yes, I sin. No, I’m not smoking meth and seeing prostitutes (as the prominent pastor of a large church in Colorado was discovered doing several years back). I’m not stealing from the church or manipulating people to give money (there are plenty of ministry leaders who have been caught doing so). I’ve never had sex outside marriage. I don’t even look at porn– I cannot say I never have, but it’s been a very long time and even then it was quite brief. I do get angry. I do use some obscenities on occasion (usually when alone and yelling at some piece of errant technology). I do have to exercise constant restraint on lustful temptation. I’m sure I’ve offended people by saying or doing the wrong thing. I usually to make this right in the end, though that doesn’t always result in the person or people continuing to be members of our church. I do keep writing honest exposés like this one, and some people would prefer to have a fairy tale pastor. There may be some in my community that which I’d just get over myself and stop writing like this. Maybe I should heed that perceived advice.

 

Is it my lack of personal evangelism that keeps the church from increasing? Perhaps. I do know how to share the Gospel with people. I am simply uninterested in appearing like a salesman. I’ve also lost a lot of confidence in recent years. I feel like people will not want to listen to me, so perhaps I don’t share when I should. I lack urgency in this area, but I don’t believe in the dictum: “if it is to be, it is up to me.” I’m not a Calvinist, though. It’s just, God doesn’t need me. Heck, sometimes I don’t even feel as though he likes me. I’ve told God recently that if I got it wrong and I’m not supposed to be in ministry, then show me something else to do. I’d probably be unhappy, but I’m miserable when our attendance and offering is low. I take it personally. I mean why am I here? There are worthy men and women in my church whom I’d love to pay to do the work of ministry. They need the money. We cannot pay them because I cannot get enough people to attend and continue supporting this ministry. It is one thing to fail yourself; believe me, it is a devastating to fail others.

 

Sometimes, I become tired of trying. I’m tired of preparing for a Wednesday night Bible study where five or six people show up. I’m tired of fluctuating Sunday worship attendance: one week 80 or 100, the next week 45-50. I’m tired of people who refuse to continue living for Christ. Half the people I’ve mentored over the years are not living for Christ with any passion, and probably half of those aren’t actively following Jesus any longer. Most of the leaders I looked up to over the years have shown cracks in their armor, and some failed morally. If I look at all of this, it makes me sad and depressed. In fact, I’ve evaluated myself, and at times over the last 15 years I’ve shown signs of clinical depression. I’m beyond burned out; I’m sick and sad and in need of a miracle. This is exactly where God wants me to be so that he gets all the credit and all the glory.

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that this life is all about being broken. Self-confidence is deceptive. Pride is original sin. When I trust in me, there is little room for God. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). There is a huge problem with narcissism in our nation. People have been brought up to believe they need to love themselves in order to love others (a gross misinterpretation of Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor as yourself,” but that’s a topic for another blog). Many of us are inveterate self-promoters. I need more followers on Twitter, more “likes” for my page or my post on Facebook. Indeed, I have to be careful that my desire for higher attendance at our church is not motivated by selfish ambition. Maybe that’s the problem. Don’t worry, I’ve been evaluating that possibility for some time. God’s purpose is not to raise me up and give me glory. My purpose is to worship him, praise him, give him glory, and to lead others (by word and deed) to do the same. In order for that to happen, “He must become greater, I must become less” (John 3:30). “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God that he may raise you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:6). Jeremiah the prophet was led into the potters house where he watched the craftsman make a pot, then break it down to remake it because it had become marred on the wheel (Jeremiah 18). I am marred. He is remaking me.

  

I still believe. I still love Jesus. I still love my people. I’m still in ministry. I’m still trying. I continue clinging to the promises that brought me to Garland, Texas 21 years ago. If you’ve been reading these articles, you are a trooper. They are pretty negative at times. However, God has not left me. Even though I complain, quarrel and test him like Israel did, he remains my rock. I wrote these eight reflections on ministry as a way of reminding myself that the scripture God used to bring me to this city was prophetic and necessary to keep me from failing and falling. I’m still looking for vindication. I’m still believing God. I’m still trying to change. One thing is for sure: no weapon formed against me shall stand; no scheme against me shall prosper. Yes, I still believe. “Though he slay me, still I will serve him.” Here is a final reminder of the prophecy I seek to (re)establish in my life. 

From Isaiah 41

8 “But you, O Israel, my servant, 

Jacob, whom I have chosen, 

you descendants of Abraham my friend, 

9 I took you from the ends of the earth, 

from its farthest corners I called you. 

I said, ‘You are my servant’; 

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. 

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

11 “All who rage against you 

will surely be ashamed and disgraced; 

those who oppose you 

will be as nothing and perish. 

12 Though you search for your enemies, 

you will not find them. 

Those who wage war against you 

will be as nothing at all. 

13 For I am the Lord, your God, 

who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, Do not fear; 

I will help you. 

14 Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, 

O little Israel, 

for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, 

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. 

15 “See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, 

new and sharp, with many teeth. 

You will thresh the mountains and crush them, 

and reduce the hills to chaff. 

16 You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up, 

and a gale will blow them away. 

But you will rejoice in the Lord 

and glory in the Holy One of Israel. 

17 “The poor and needy search for water, 

but there is none; 

their tongues are parched with thirst. 

But I the Lord will answer them; 

I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. 

18 I will make rivers flow on barren heights, 

and springs within the valleys. 

I will turn the desert into pools of water, 

and the parched ground into springs. 

19 I will put in the desert 

the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. 

I will set pines in the wasteland, 

the fir and the cypress together, 

20 so that people may see and know, 

may consider and understand, 

that the hand of the Lord has done this, 

that the Holy One of Israel has created it.

 

AMEN.

Vindication, Part 6, Losing People

This is the sixth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first five parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

 

It is not possible to make everybody happy, especially when you are called upon to challenge people and speak (all too many times uncomfortable) truth. It is also not possible to be perfect in this life. Sometimes we hurt one another, intentionally or unintentionally. I’ve made mistakes and offended people. Forgiveness is essential to any lasting relationship.

 

It hurts a pastor when people leave his church. At least, it hurts me. Sometimes difficult people leave. I should breath a sigh of relief when this happens, but still I feel a loss. Over 14 years as pastor of the same church I’ve seen people come and go. It is difficult to let people go when they have become like family.

 

I’m generalizing because I hesitate to tell the stories of people who are still out there. People whom I still love. Many of these live nearby. Some who have departed expressed a desire to remain friends. I have tried. Honestly, that’s a lot like dating someone, getting close to them, and then breaking up. We say, let’s just be friends. Yet, even without animosity, the friendship is nominative. We drift to become acquaintances at best. They might as well be in a different city. In fact, that would make it easier.

 

I’ve had leaders in my church leave. This doesn’t just hurt me, it hurts the whole community. They continue to maintain relationships with members of our church, while they are serving enthusiastically in a church down the street. This only leads people to question why. What is wrong with our ministry? It leads others to resent them. What is wrong with that former leader?

 

In two prominent cases, young people who had been in my youth groups in the past were involved deeply in our church, met their spouses at our church, had children whom I blessed, then left our church for larger ministries. Ironically, when you consider how they established their families, both of these former leaders cited a weakness in our children’s ministry as their reason for leaving.

 

I have a former student who is now the pastor of a church in another city. He posted on Twitter and I reposted what he said. It was something like, “When you leave a church for the sake of your children, what does that teach them about church?” The obvious answer is, it teaches them that church is all about “me”. I didn’t state the latter, just posted his quote. A prominent couple left when one of them saw that post as a last straw. I believe church (and family) should be focused on Jesus Christ, not on children… or youth… or single adults…. or any other group.

 

One of the reasons some pastors are reticent to have small groups that meet in homes is due to the possibility of the group going rogue. A cell group may have a leader who teaches bad theology. A small group may attract people who complain about the church, the pastor, or another leader. The group becomes a meeting of the discontented. The result may be that they all stop attending, or go to another church. We’ve experienced the latter several times in our history. Two of these groups were headed by leaders who had once been in an accountability group with me. In the most recent instance, every member of that group left our church in about a one year period.

 

Are we doing something wrong? Am I doing something wrong? Did I offend? I ask myself these questions each time someone leaves. I care about them. Why don’t they care about me and this body any more? What more could I have done. I beat myself bloody, and it does no good. I used to go after these people. I mean, that’s what a good shepherd does, right? Go after the lost sheep. Except, most of these people are not lost. They’ve simply moved to another shepherd and another flock. Most importantly, the Good Shepherd is Jesus. I’m just his helper.  It seems to entrench people in their decision when I try to dissuade them. So, I take a different approach now. When they leave I hope for the best and concentrate on those over whom I still have charge as a shepherd.

 

Divorce is rampant in our society. For too many people it is the go-to solution for marital problems. Why do people get divorced? Adultery: understandable. “We grew apart,” or “I don’t love you any more”: unacceptable. This is symptomatic of our unwillingness to work out our problems with each other. It’s easier to move on and start over. Sadly, if you haven’t worked out the problems that caused the previous marriage to fail, the next one may face the same challenges, and could end the same way. When you leave a church because you had a problem you wouldn’t work out, you are taking at least part of that problem with you to the next church. Relational problems always have at least two sides, and you are on one of those sides. Leaving, divorcing, doesn’t solve your side of the problem.

 

People’s relationship to a church is somewhat like a marriage. It is a commitment to a community rather than an individual. People are going to disagree, offend one another, fall short of expectations, and we must learn to work through it.  We have to learn to communicate with one another before the breaking point. The alternative is lost friendships, and lost love. People who move from church to church are demonstrating restlessness within themselves. When we shop for a church, rather than pray and let the Holy Spirit lead us to commit to one, then we’ve turned Christ’s community into a consumer commodity. Why are we are seeking to affiliate with an institution and identify with a brand, rather than joining ourselves to a spiritual family? Church is people, not a building, denomination, institution or brand. We are called out from the world, and we are called together in communities to help one another to follow Jesus, and take the Gospel to into our world.

 

There is no perfect church. You will never find one. We are imperfect people gathering together in communities, and we are perfected day by day as we encourage one another to become more like Christ. I pray that I may encourage our people to realize this, and stay until the Holy Spirit calls them away.

Vindication 5 Who Is Deaf Like My Servant?

This is the fifth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first four parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

In the early years of our church’s existence we were seeking an identity and a home. I thought we knew who God had called us to be and to whom he had called us to speak and serve. We were refugees who had been called to the rebellious who didn’t like church. We started out meeting in a rented house in Richardson, Texas, as well as hotel ballrooms. Regarding the house, there was some conflict with neighbors and the City of Richardson over our Bible studies and band practices. We were told by the city that we couldn’t have worship services in the house. Well, we were only doing Bible studies there, but there were complaints about that. We had two neighbors that liked us and two that didn’t. Complaints get the attention of city officials and they use zoning laws to limit free speech and free exercise.

We found an old movie theater in Garland, Texas and moved everything there. It was large, which would work well for our dramatic productions, but it had been unoccupied for at least 10 years. Many things had to be done just to bring it up to code. We took out a loan to do the necessary renovations. I really thought we’d be able to grow enough to pay the loan back quickly. However, as it turned out, the age of the building and an uncooperative owner kept us from having an inviting facility where people would worship.

We spent a lot of money getting the air conditioning to work in the building, but when the first winter hit we discovered the building did not have working heat either. This was something an unscrupulous leasing agent had kept from us. When we requested help from the owner, he offered to loan us money to fix the heating in his building. The payments for this five thousand dollar loan would conveniently be added to our rent. Even if this were fair, it wasn’t feasible for us. We were already struggling to pay the rent.

So, our little community froze through two winters in the old theater. During one of those winters I and our worship leader were living in the building as a cost saving measure. It was shortly after the movie Fight Club, and we saw this as our version of the dilapidated old house in which Edward Norton’s character lives. Did I mention it was cold? If you’re from a Northern state, then you probably think Texas cannot get that cold, but living in a building without heat in 30 degree weather is still harsh.

Worship services during these winters were interesting. We did a noon Bible study with brunch, and that happened either in the lobby or outside in front of the building. Our main worship time was at 6:00 P. M. Sundays. We tried various portable heaters, but the ceilings were 34 feet, so it really never got that warm. The few intrepid youths who came to worship huddled around those heaters and tried to pay attention to the service. This was not the best environment for worship attendance growth.

To compound the heating challenge, we also got flooded several times. Once during a drama production, it rained and a drain behind the building failed. Several of our scenes were flooded and we had to cancel the show that night. Neither the owner or the leasing company was willing to take responsibility for this. They did dig out the drain, but wouldn’t compensate us for lost revenue. At this point a little relief from the rent is all we were seeking. It would have even been financially wise on their part because it would have helped us remain in the building.

We had a three year lease, but there was a six month opt-out clause, which was put there by the owner, who was seeking to sell the building. After two years, and two cold winters, we had had enough. We gave our six-month notice in July, which meant we would be out of the building by December 31st.

On December 1st of that year I spoke about spiritual warfare during our Sunday evening worship time. I remember that it was a long message, and sitting on the floor to my right was a young man who would soon be shipped off to the war with Iraq. Warfare is primarily spiritual, even when it appears to be against material foes.

The next morning dawned a beautiful day; the sun was out, temperature was mild. Life, it seemed, was great. By mid-morning my perception of the day changed dramatically. The hearing in my right ear suddenly began to diminish. If I could make a visual analogy, it was as though I was inside a cave with bright sun coming in through the entrance. Then a door began closing like the iris on a camera, and it grew dark. As it got darker, I became more deaf. By 1:00 P. M. on December 2nd, 2002 I could no longer hear in my right ear.

To be deaf is a challenge. However, it was a shock to me because I’d always had good hearing. I do have tinnitus, loud ringing in my ears. This was the result of listening to a youth garage band years earlier. It was cold that day, so the teenagers in the band closed the garage door and turned up the amplifiers. I left with my ears ringing and they’ve never stopped. Up to this point, however, this affliction had not been overwhelming because outside noise usually drowned out the ringing.

Now my right ear was completely deaf to outside sounds. Complete deafness on that side would have been hard to take, but ironically I could still hear ringing in the ear, constant shrill ringing. Imagine if you were in a room where a loud smoke alarm is going off next to one of your ears, but you cannot stop it, or leave the room.

As I grew deaf, I also grew dizzy. I experienced a severe case of vertigo. I had to lay down to keep from vomiting. For a week, whenever I moved my head the room spun in the same direction. This was hell. In fact, as I lay there, perfectly still, I had time to think about hell, and what many Christians say it will be: eternal conscious torment. I could not imagine something so horrible. It changed my perspective. Something I may write about another time.

Thankfully, I believe in a good and loving God who hears prayer. I complained. I cried out. I begged God to help and heal me. I went to the doctor and received minor relief in the form of anti-vomiting medication, but the vertigo continued. I read the Bible and believed God directed I apply a promise from Revelation 2:10. It was originally a promise for the church in the ancient city of Smyrna. It reads: “Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The devil will throw some of you in prison to test you. You will suffer for ten days. But if you remain faithful even when facing death, I will give you the crown of life.” I was surely imprisoned by this strange affliction. I came to believe that the torment would last no longer than ten days. By the tenth day the vertigo was barely noticeable, so perhaps this was an accurate understanding of what the Holy Spirit promised me through the Bible. However, I wasn’t completely healed.

To this day I am almost completely deaf in my right ear. The ringing is loud and incessant: every waking hour, every single day since December 2, 2002. Thankfully, God grants me sleep and I do not hear the ringing then. I often have to strain to hear what people are saying during a conversation because the ringing is as loud as most people speak. When I try to play music or direct sound into that ear through headphones it irritates something and the ringing will become briefly louder.

On several occasions tinnitus in my left ear has flared up and become so loud that I have been terrified the same thing might happen. That would be for me the realization of hell on earth: not just deafness, but constant torment because of unimpeded ringing in both ears. I am trusting God not to allow something so horrific to happen. When I fear the other ear may close up, I cry out and trust my good and loving Father

The only thing that keeps me sane in the midst of constant affliction is the hope that God is good, he loves me and does not intend to harm me. He will not permit evil to overcome me. I remember his promises. I cling to them. I hold God accountable to keep his word.

” So do not fear, for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

“All who rage against you

will surely be ashamed and disgraced;

those who oppose you

will be as nothing and perish.

Though you search for your enemies,

you will not find them.

Those who wage war against you

will be as nothing at all.

For I am the Lord your God 

who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, Do not fear; 

I will help you.”

(Isaiah 41:10-13, NIV)