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Are You Unique?

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Are you unique?

That’s what they tell me.

Then why are you trying so hard to be like everyone else in your subculture?

What are you talking about?

You have a group, or maybe a type, that you strive to be like. You identify with them, or some representative or archetype of this subculture. For young people it is usually easier to see. They identify with a particular celebrity in sports or music, or with a style that is modeled by one or more successful or notorious people in a subculture. For example, you have the teens and twenties who have what might be called a ghetto-style (not judgmental, many aren’t ashamed of the term ghetto). They sag their pants low to show their underwear, or basketball shorts worn like underwear, athletic shoes are vital, especially Nike, and representing a particular team or player by wearing a jersey is typical. They wear big, very expensive, Dr. Dre Beats headphones, which signals that they are listening to rap artists like Lil Wayne, Drake, or whoever is speaking the values of their subculture.

What values?

Sex, money, drugs, misogyny…

Mis… what?

They hate women.

That’s not true.

Of course it is. When a “song” calls women bitches and whores, it is expressing disrespect and hatred, toward women. When sex is an act of violence expressed by the ubiquitous f-word, it demonstrates hatred toward the object of the sexual encounter. Sadly, too many women simply allow themselves to become the object of some boy-man’s sex play, presumably with the thought that love or acceptance will result. The reality is, she has been used like a piece of toilet paper and will be flushed just as quickly from his life.

That’s harsh.

It was reported to me that a young man boasted after one of these brief sexual encounters, “I f’ed that bitch.” These are learned values. They are taught and reinforced by the artists these people idolize.

You’re just an old man. You don’t understand.

I’m old enough to understand. I’ve observed the youth culture for several generations now. There are standard values that don’t change, even though outward styles change dramatically. There are other values that have been taught in schools and through the media, which are now normative.

What do you mean? What do you see that’s the same?

Young people are looking for an identity, initially one that is different than their parents, or authority figures in their lives. The need to be seen as unique, even though, ironically, they act and dress alike, is a part of adolescence. Dressing and talking like others in a group or subculture expresses another need that young people have: acceptance by the group. This latter need is exploited when the military recruits young people. It is so great a need that young people are willing to do, well, all of the foolish things that we associate with teenagers and twenty-somethings.

Such as?

Experimenting with drugs, getting drunk and high, multiple sexual encounters which both boys and girls now boast about, violence against those outside the subgroup, especially against those who hold different values.

What do you mean, like gangs fighting each other?

Okay, yes. Many times those gangs are racially homogenous and they attack a rival gang comprised of a different racial or ethnic group and its values, which are seen as foolish. Blacks vs. Mexicans, Whites vs. Blacks, Blacks vs. Asians. There is also generational division and disrespect. I think this has been expressed on a number of occasions via the recent, so called, “knock-out game,” wherein groups of young people target older people, whom they try to hit hard enough to knock unconscious. Resentment for the establishment represented by young people attacking middle aged well-to-do people may be another underlying motive. The base, animalistic tendency to take advantage of the weak for profit or to demonstrate superiority is actually degrading for those who participate.  Worse, when young men rape, rob and murder the elderly for fun, they have sunk lower than any animal.

So, is that new, or did you see those kinds of things in, like, the 80’s?

I don’t really think it’s new. Maybe the form it takes, like the knock-out game, is new, but violence against the elderly has been around for a long time. In fact, that’s what the cult classic movie A Clockwork Orange is about, and it came out in the early 70’s. I’ve never understood the fascination with this movie, or the reason it is considered a classic.

What do you think is new, then?

Homosexuality.

What, you think there are more gays?

No, the percentage of people who persistently pursue that as their sexual preference has probably not changed all that much.

So, you agree that it’s genetic?

Not really, but I think the proclivity, or tendency, which may bring about attraction to the same gender may be. There are also social issues that may lead some people to act out sexually to fulfill certain perceived needs. However, I think homosexual acting out is a choice. The so called LGBT subculture has become well respected due to media and educational forces. The acceptance of this subculture among young people, who are most susceptible to those forces, is relatively new.

That’s good.

It is good if fewer people who self-identify as gay are being bullied or ostracized. It’s not good if, as a teenager journeys through puberty and feels some type of fascination with their own gender, they are made to believe they have been born homosexual.

Well, if you’re a guy and you are attracted to guys, then you’re gay. No big deal.

It’s not that simple. Many people go through phases of attraction as they move through puberty. This attraction is not necessarily a desire to have sex, so much as it is natural interest that can result in exploration. First a young person is fascinated with their own changing body, then with the bodies of those who are like them (their own gender), then with those who are unlike them (the opposite sex). If the normal progression stalls for some reason, and a young person is convinced by their culture that they’ve been born this way, it is tragic.

So, what if they stop at the beginning when they are still focused on their own body? What would you call that person? What would they be like?

That is a narcissist, which I believe is a huge problem among young people today, not just sexually, but socially.

I’ve heard people your age call us narcissistic. It’s probably just jealousy.

Maybe the ease with which some older people have recognized it is driven by envy. They wish they were still young and are affronted by your unwillingness to accept them. However, this is a real problem, and I think parent and grandparents must share guilt for your generation’s narcissism.

Really, how?

Many young people have a sense of entitlement, which is established by caregivers who give them whatever they want without any requirements. Previous generations of youth had to work hard to obtain what is taken for granted by young people today. I see teenagers from poorer homes whose parents buy them expensive athletic shoes, smart phones, Hollister, American Eagle or Polo clothing.  You have been led to believe that you deserve the best. What did you do to deserve it?

Because I’m good.

Really, and what good have you done and for whom have you done it?

I don’t know. I just am.

No, you’re not. Nobody is, really. Jesus was called good by a man one time and he answered, “Why do you call me good? Nobody is good but God.”

So, Jesus wasn’t good either.

He is the only one who was, and is. He was trying to get the man to recognize that he was God come in the flesh, and that’s why he is good. Only when we are connected to God do we become in any way good.

Well, it’s unconditional love, right? Isn’t that what Christians are supposed to be about?

Love means acting in the best interest of the person you love. Giving your kid a pair of new Jordans won’t make him a better person, and it may make him the target of some jealous bully or robber who covets those shoes. Buying a kid an internet enabled smartphone if the parent fails to monitor what that kid is doing with it, is not a good idea. Many young people send sexually explicit pictures, access porn, film fights, use Vine, Instagram and YouTube to share and glorify bad and evil things. That is not love.

So, I go out and get a job, buy what I want, and it’s the same thing.

But that doesn’t promote narcissism and entitlement. You may still enjoy the same things, and some of those things may be wrong, but you learned the value of earning what you have. And if you mistreat it or break it, you have to replace it with your own money. Maybe you discover that something you have to work for is more valuable and should be used for better things. I think a young person would benefit greatly from having to work to get their first car.

I hope my Dad buys me something really nice.

I hope your Dad makes you work to pay for it. I had to work the whole summer after I turned 16 to buy my first car. A few months later I totaled it and had to pay payments on the next car. I did it all, though. Paid for the car, the insurance, the gas and upkeep. I learned the value of working for what you want. I got kicked out of my house when I was 17. I didn’t live on the street. My step-dad provided me with an inexpensive place to live on my own. I paid my own way, though. I went to school full-time and I worked hard to make a living. I went to college on my own and got my degree. Nothing was given to me.

The world had changed.

People haven’t changed all that much, though. Back to my original question: Are you unique?

I don’t know. Yeah, I guess so.

You are if you choose to be different than the mold into which our culture wants to press you. The Bible says it this way: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by getting your mind renewed, then you will be able to test and prove what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2, my paraphrase).

What if I don’t want to do God’s will?

That’s your option. But if you don’t do God’s will, you’ll just be another culture clone, a drone doing what the world around you dictates.

I do what I want.

You do what the world leads you to believe you want. It gets worse. The world is controlled by a prince who seeks to destroy you. The Bible calls him the Prince of the “Power of the Air,” and the “god of this world.”

Satan, right?

Yes. That word Satan means Enemy. He’s a fallen angel. Once he was close to God, but he chose to rebel and do things his own way. He wanted to be god.

Well, you said he is god of this world, so it looks like he got his wish.

When you get what you want apart from God, it falls apart sooner or later. Satan will eventually get what he deserves, and he’s already been defeated if people will start believing in Jesus and stop believing his lies .God allowed Satan to deceive people and gain control of the world. It’s a test. That’s the only way he stays in control, by deceiving us. Earlier I said when you do what you want you are only doing what the world dictates. You are really doing what Satan wants you to do. He lies and leads us to do his will by luring us with evil desires.

This is where you tell me that sex is evil.

No, sex is good, assuming you do it the way God designed it. Pray for a lifelong mate and best friend, marry that person, and learn to become intimate with them.

So, homosexuality is okay as long as you’re married?

No. Homosexuality is not God’s design. It doesn’t produce life. It falls short of his plan for sex, marriage, family, and intimacy.

People are born gay though.

That’s one of many lies Satan tells. I’ve already explained one reason that people may feel that way, if they find themselves attracted to the same gender and continue to reinforce that attraction sexually and socially, and then choose to self-identify as gay, they will probably believe the lie that they were born that way. The world is fallen, so I”m not saying someone who feels homosexual feelings is just freely choosing to be attracted. The attraction is there for a reason, but that doesn’t mean someone has to give themselves over to feelings of same sex attraction, or pursue it as though it were something God created and wills for them to do. People are tempted to do all sorts of self-destructive things— some people do heroin, some people like to fight, some people overeat— that doesn’t make those things are right. God has a better plan.

Like what?

Follow Jesus Christ.

Why?

He is the perfect example of what God created every human being to be. He came to earth, lived the kind of life we are supposed to live, but cannot live apart from God, then died on the cross to pay the death penalty we owe for the self-centered, sinful, rebellious lives we lead, and then rose from the dead to pave the way for us to get back to God. When you put your faith in Jesus Christ and start following him, you’ll really be unique.

Christians are boring, though.

Religious people are boring, church people can be boring. Following Jesus is a risky, amazing adventure. Start by talking to God and telling him you believe in Jesus. Confess where you’ve gone wrong. Ask God to become real to you. Start reading the Gospels in the New Testament of the Christian Bible, and you’ll get to know what Jesus is like. Ask God to fill you up with his Holy Spirit, Start following the leading of the Spirit.

And that will make me unique? Won’t I just have to stop doing everything that’s fun and go to church and listen to preachers and sing songs I really don’t like, and hang out with old people?

Church is a family. There are old people, young people, and everyone in between. In a good church there are people from different cultures and races, all worshiping the same God, following the same Jesus, and yet everyone is unique.

Maybe I’ll think about it.

Start believing and you’ll be unique.

Bullying

I hate bullying. Bullying takes on many forms. Bullies are everywhere. When someone has power—physical, financial, social— and uses it to persecute and harm those whom they dislike, that’s bullying.

 

I was bullied in school. It started with fights in seventh grade. I beat two kids who threatened and challenged me, but they had a bigger friend. He wasn’t that much bigger, but for some reason I was scared of him. He wanted to fight and constantly harassed me. I didn’t want a beating, so I ran, and ran, and ran. It was miserable. Fear was the dominant emotion for me in eighth grade. I rode my bike to school instead of the bus. School was about four miles from my house. It was a lonely ride back an forth every day.

 

Today bullying has expanded and exploded. Now we hear not only about kids, but adults bullying too. Bullies use social media, texting, and sexting. It is incredibly foolish to send a naked picture of yourself to someone; they may later use it for revenge. People have committed suicide because they cannot take the bullying any longer. This all makes me very sad.

 

Bullying is not isolated to individuals. Powerful political lobbies and wealthy media empires bully people who do not agree with their viewpoint. The dismissal of Phil Robertson from the Duck Dynasty program on A & E is a recent example of the relentless efforts of the gay lobby to silence anyone who disagrees with them. Louie Giglio was pressured to step down from praying at President Obama’s inauguration for the same reason. I was encouraged to see that Greg Laurie courageously and courteously stood up to the bullies refusing to step down from his invitation to call upon God at the National Day of Prayer.

 

People who are openly gay have been persecuted and bullied for many years, so this phenomena is not isolated to the LGBT lobby. In fact, homosexuals have been excluded, excoriated, and even beaten by bullies. While motivation behind the infamous Matthew Sheppard episode has been called into question by a well researched book recently (The Book of Matt), there have been other legitimate cases where gays have been victims of death threats, violence and murder simply because of their professed sexual orientation. This is evil. This is wrong.

 

The real battle is not gay versus straight, but love versus hate. The cornerstone of a civilized society is mutual respect. Regardless of my disagreement with your lifestyle choice, I can choose to grant you the respect due any other human being created in the image of God. Mutual respect can be stated concisely in the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. Feel free to disagree with someone, but let your argument be with their ideas and practices. If I am secure and believe firmly in my values and ideals, I will not be threatened by those who disagree. In fact, I will welcome healthy debate as a means of sharpening my defense of cherished ideas, making me a better person. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).

 

The role of power is to uphold what is right and defend the weak. Bullying misuses power and exploits the weak. When you are in possession of economic, political, intellectual or physical power, it is important to look out not only for your own interests but for the interests of others. Love your neighbor as yourself. This will prevent you or I from becoming bullies.

Troublemaker Peacemaker

I’m a troublemaker,

and a peacemaker.

I’m a lover and a fighter,

not a liar and a faker.

I’m a big mistake maker,

so I gotta live by grace,

to run this faith race.

Trouble is, I’m out of place 

on this planet so full

of evil and hate.

I wanna make a change,

rearrange

the silly groupthink

infecting the masses,

who don’t really think,

so much as feel 

their way round in the dark

of Plato’s cave.

Illogical logic is the reason,

minds change with the season.

Or like Texas weather,

one minute passion makes hot,

the next, depression is freezing

And here I am so trapped

in pathetic self-pity,

energy and intellect sapped,

and I am kept

from making a difference.

Dear God, set me free

from the tyranny of me.

Now I lay me down

on the altar of sacrifice.

Take my life

make my life

a living sacrifice.

i am

I am not you
Baptist preacher,
Pentecostal screamer,
charismatic dreamer.
I am called to be
a Truth teller,
pastor, preacher,
evangelist and teacher,
a portent and surprise,
not least of all to myself.
Why, O why did I
think I had to become
just another one:
from emergent iconoclastic,
to purpose driven plastic.
Because I need to be
liked.
Who wants to be
ignored?
Not me.
So I try to fit in,
but I’m still locked out.
I reach the rejected,
who, once empowered, leave
to join the ranks of the respected.
I cannot make them all happy!
I cannot even be
who they expect me to be.
O, Yahweh,
set me free to be
me, just me:
not who they think
they need me to be,
not who my feelings,
inspired by the Liar,
lead me to believe I am,
but the me I am
when the Son of Man
lives within,
and I remain in HIm.
I am who I am
by the grace of the I AM.

Sick and Sad 13

Sick and sad,

already broken or

I’d be breaking bad.

But still, 

what if I

took a sabbatical

and tested myself?

Solomon is the example.

He knew that life under the sun

is all vanity, but indulged

only for a moment in pleasure and fun.

All the while he watched 

with his wisdom intact

to discover if

nothing is worth it, in fact.

I know the answer,

as did the wisest man.

But I need to feel

something.

I’ve got to find a way to become

someone.

This tame existence is killing me.

My dreams are dammed up,

my desires are pent up,

and lust must be damned out.

But I’ve got to break free

from this boring little life

before I waste away.

Everyone loves

the Prodigal.

His return was celebrated

his story told and retold,

while the responsible son

tended sheep out in the cold.

I wait and wait and wait and wait,

my heart is sick

from hope deferred

and unfulfilled longing.

When, O when

will I reach the heights

I thought God called me to

back then, at a time when

everything seemed possible.

When can I be fulfilled again?

Over half my life is gone

and still I wait.

I suppose I’ll be like 

Abraham

rather than Solomon.

Restore to me the joy

of my salvation.

Vindication, Part 8, Popularity and Brokenness

This is the eighth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first seven parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

 

I don’t want to sound jaded or cynical, but so much of what I see in regard to church and ministry may be explained by the politics of the playground. You remember elementary school, right? Actually, this applies to school all the way through college, but the playground is a seedbed and an accessible example. Starting in kindergarten there are popular and unpopular kids, as well as many in the middle. Those in the middle determine who is popular by virtue of whom they decide to follow. 

 

There was a game that was often played when I was in grade school that illustrates this. A group of kids would join hands and walk shoulder to shoulder through the playground chanting, “Hey, hey, get out of my way, I just got back from the USA!” The group grew when other kids joined it by taking the hand of a member at either end of the chorus line. If the kids at both ends thought you had cooties or something, then you didn’t get to join that group. There were usually competing groups marching around and chanting loudly. Sometimes two groups would stand opposite one another and battle by screaming, perhaps bumping each other. A kid or two might join an opposing group, usually because it was larger, or had more popular people in it. The larger groups gained members quickly, while the smaller groups grew more slowly or simply disbanded (some or all of their members joining a larger group).  Many people like to be a part of something big.

 

None of these groups was spontaneous; someone started each one by recruiting the first members, then marching and chanting to advertise for more. I’m sure you’ve already jumped ahead to my intended application. Churches are really no different than these chorus lines on the playground. Although, I would hope a church has higher aspirations than merely gaining more members. If the main point of a church’s existence is increasing numerically, then how is that church any different from, say, a gym, a restaurant, or a store? All of these are striving to gain more loyal customers.

 

The word for church in the original Greek means “called out.” I have always believed the New Testament teaching about church: it is a community God has called out from the world to worship him, support one another, learn to follow Christ’s teaching, and offer the Gospel to the world (see Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 2:42-47 & 4:32-35). As we proclaim the resurrected Jesus and live out his love in the world, God calls people to become a part of his Kingdom and join our communities. “And he added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:47).

 

Therefore, the big difference between playground politics and church membership should be the God factor. We (pastors, teachers, evangelists, every day Christians) broadcast the Good News and those who receive it are called by God to be part of a community of fellow believers. That call happens when God’s Holy Spirit draws or compels a person to become part of a local church. Here is where I get negative, perhaps you would say skeptical (hopefully not cynical). I don’t think most people are paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Many misconstrue their own feelings as God moving. The reality is, a lot of people are just following the popular impulse to attend a particular church because others like them are there. Many seek to identify with an attractive brand, or affiliate with what appears to be a trustworthy institution. The pastor and his family look like our kind of people, so we want to be a part of their group.

 

The “why” of popularity has been a source of consideration and consternation for me since first grade (I never went to kindergarten). Why am I not popular? I remember running for class office in fourth grade. I spent all night putting together packets with candy to bribe class members into voting for me. I got two votes (yes, mine was one of them). In high school I would never have dreamed of trying to run for office, but in government class my senior year there was an election for some office. I ran on a platform that included legalization of marijuana (a transparent attempt to get the stoner vote), and lost. In college I started a Bible study at the Baptist Student Union. I put up flyers all over campus. I had one freshman who kept attending, and that was it. I tried to get on the BSU steering committee and was denied by the BSU director. He said that my efforts at personal evangelism would somehow be hindered by having a position on the committee. In the end he just didn’t like me (not hostility, just simple rejection). Why don’t more people like me? 

 

We started the church I lead the same year as two others in our region. Both of these churches are large, ours is not. I’m sure that there are other congregations that started the same year which don’t even exist any longer. Reportedly, 32% of all new church plants fail within five years (NAMB report http://www.namb.net/namb1cb2col.aspx?id=8590001104 ) I know of one congregation in our city that started several years before ours, became quite large, then folded. Perhaps focusing on our continued survival could be a source of consolation for me, but it isn’t. I always thought if God led me to start a church, it would grow large. I was saved in a large church. I know the importance of evangelism and preach the Gospel. I once ran a ministry that introduced thousands of people to Christ (House of Judgement was used to lead over 10,000 people to pray a prayer of salvation). So, why in heaven and earth has the church I lead not grown beyond a hundred or so (at times a few more, at others, many less)?

 

Perhaps it is because I am not married. People are looking for a pastor who is a family man, for a father of children, for a husband of a lovely wife. Sorry, that’s not my call. God hasn’t shown me anyone to marry, and I will not jump into a relationship to make other people happy with me. Perhaps it is because I do not have an appealing appearance. I have crooked teeth and don’t smile as often as I’d like to because of self-consciousness. I guess this is my fault by now. If I spent money on the dentist like I have Apple products, I’d have a beautiful smile. But wait, I thought the church was, well, supernatural, a community of people who have been called out of the world, not a social group who have decided to cluster around a handsome, charismatic leader. As a reminder, last Monday (11-19-2-13) marked 35 years since 900 people committed suicide at the command of cult leader Jim Jones.

 

Is it my sin that keeps the church from growing? Yes, I sin. No, I’m not smoking meth and seeing prostitutes (as the prominent pastor of a large church in Colorado was discovered doing several years back). I’m not stealing from the church or manipulating people to give money (there are plenty of ministry leaders who have been caught doing so). I’ve never had sex outside marriage. I don’t even look at porn– I cannot say I never have, but it’s been a very long time and even then it was quite brief. I do get angry. I do use some obscenities on occasion (usually when alone and yelling at some piece of errant technology). I do have to exercise constant restraint on lustful temptation. I’m sure I’ve offended people by saying or doing the wrong thing. I usually to make this right in the end, though that doesn’t always result in the person or people continuing to be members of our church. I do keep writing honest exposés like this one, and some people would prefer to have a fairy tale pastor. There may be some in my community that which I’d just get over myself and stop writing like this. Maybe I should heed that perceived advice.

 

Is it my lack of personal evangelism that keeps the church from increasing? Perhaps. I do know how to share the Gospel with people. I am simply uninterested in appearing like a salesman. I’ve also lost a lot of confidence in recent years. I feel like people will not want to listen to me, so perhaps I don’t share when I should. I lack urgency in this area, but I don’t believe in the dictum: “if it is to be, it is up to me.” I’m not a Calvinist, though. It’s just, God doesn’t need me. Heck, sometimes I don’t even feel as though he likes me. I’ve told God recently that if I got it wrong and I’m not supposed to be in ministry, then show me something else to do. I’d probably be unhappy, but I’m miserable when our attendance and offering is low. I take it personally. I mean why am I here? There are worthy men and women in my church whom I’d love to pay to do the work of ministry. They need the money. We cannot pay them because I cannot get enough people to attend and continue supporting this ministry. It is one thing to fail yourself; believe me, it is a devastating to fail others.

 

Sometimes, I become tired of trying. I’m tired of preparing for a Wednesday night Bible study where five or six people show up. I’m tired of fluctuating Sunday worship attendance: one week 80 or 100, the next week 45-50. I’m tired of people who refuse to continue living for Christ. Half the people I’ve mentored over the years are not living for Christ with any passion, and probably half of those aren’t actively following Jesus any longer. Most of the leaders I looked up to over the years have shown cracks in their armor, and some failed morally. If I look at all of this, it makes me sad and depressed. In fact, I’ve evaluated myself, and at times over the last 15 years I’ve shown signs of clinical depression. I’m beyond burned out; I’m sick and sad and in need of a miracle. This is exactly where God wants me to be so that he gets all the credit and all the glory.

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that this life is all about being broken. Self-confidence is deceptive. Pride is original sin. When I trust in me, there is little room for God. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). There is a huge problem with narcissism in our nation. People have been brought up to believe they need to love themselves in order to love others (a gross misinterpretation of Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor as yourself,” but that’s a topic for another blog). Many of us are inveterate self-promoters. I need more followers on Twitter, more “likes” for my page or my post on Facebook. Indeed, I have to be careful that my desire for higher attendance at our church is not motivated by selfish ambition. Maybe that’s the problem. Don’t worry, I’ve been evaluating that possibility for some time. God’s purpose is not to raise me up and give me glory. My purpose is to worship him, praise him, give him glory, and to lead others (by word and deed) to do the same. In order for that to happen, “He must become greater, I must become less” (John 3:30). “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God that he may raise you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:6). Jeremiah the prophet was led into the potters house where he watched the craftsman make a pot, then break it down to remake it because it had become marred on the wheel (Jeremiah 18). I am marred. He is remaking me.

  

I still believe. I still love Jesus. I still love my people. I’m still in ministry. I’m still trying. I continue clinging to the promises that brought me to Garland, Texas 21 years ago. If you’ve been reading these articles, you are a trooper. They are pretty negative at times. However, God has not left me. Even though I complain, quarrel and test him like Israel did, he remains my rock. I wrote these eight reflections on ministry as a way of reminding myself that the scripture God used to bring me to this city was prophetic and necessary to keep me from failing and falling. I’m still looking for vindication. I’m still believing God. I’m still trying to change. One thing is for sure: no weapon formed against me shall stand; no scheme against me shall prosper. Yes, I still believe. “Though he slay me, still I will serve him.” Here is a final reminder of the prophecy I seek to (re)establish in my life. 

From Isaiah 41

8 “But you, O Israel, my servant, 

Jacob, whom I have chosen, 

you descendants of Abraham my friend, 

9 I took you from the ends of the earth, 

from its farthest corners I called you. 

I said, ‘You are my servant’; 

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. 

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

11 “All who rage against you 

will surely be ashamed and disgraced; 

those who oppose you 

will be as nothing and perish. 

12 Though you search for your enemies, 

you will not find them. 

Those who wage war against you 

will be as nothing at all. 

13 For I am the Lord, your God, 

who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, Do not fear; 

I will help you. 

14 Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, 

O little Israel, 

for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, 

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. 

15 “See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, 

new and sharp, with many teeth. 

You will thresh the mountains and crush them, 

and reduce the hills to chaff. 

16 You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up, 

and a gale will blow them away. 

But you will rejoice in the Lord 

and glory in the Holy One of Israel. 

17 “The poor and needy search for water, 

but there is none; 

their tongues are parched with thirst. 

But I the Lord will answer them; 

I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. 

18 I will make rivers flow on barren heights, 

and springs within the valleys. 

I will turn the desert into pools of water, 

and the parched ground into springs. 

19 I will put in the desert 

the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. 

I will set pines in the wasteland, 

the fir and the cypress together, 

20 so that people may see and know, 

may consider and understand, 

that the hand of the Lord has done this, 

that the Holy One of Israel has created it.

 

AMEN.

Vindication, Part 6, Losing People

This is the sixth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first five parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

 

It is not possible to make everybody happy, especially when you are called upon to challenge people and speak (all too many times uncomfortable) truth. It is also not possible to be perfect in this life. Sometimes we hurt one another, intentionally or unintentionally. I’ve made mistakes and offended people. Forgiveness is essential to any lasting relationship.

 

It hurts a pastor when people leave his church. At least, it hurts me. Sometimes difficult people leave. I should breath a sigh of relief when this happens, but still I feel a loss. Over 14 years as pastor of the same church I’ve seen people come and go. It is difficult to let people go when they have become like family.

 

I’m generalizing because I hesitate to tell the stories of people who are still out there. People whom I still love. Many of these live nearby. Some who have departed expressed a desire to remain friends. I have tried. Honestly, that’s a lot like dating someone, getting close to them, and then breaking up. We say, let’s just be friends. Yet, even without animosity, the friendship is nominative. We drift to become acquaintances at best. They might as well be in a different city. In fact, that would make it easier.

 

I’ve had leaders in my church leave. This doesn’t just hurt me, it hurts the whole community. They continue to maintain relationships with members of our church, while they are serving enthusiastically in a church down the street. This only leads people to question why. What is wrong with our ministry? It leads others to resent them. What is wrong with that former leader?

 

In two prominent cases, young people who had been in my youth groups in the past were involved deeply in our church, met their spouses at our church, had children whom I blessed, then left our church for larger ministries. Ironically, when you consider how they established their families, both of these former leaders cited a weakness in our children’s ministry as their reason for leaving.

 

I have a former student who is now the pastor of a church in another city. He posted on Twitter and I reposted what he said. It was something like, “When you leave a church for the sake of your children, what does that teach them about church?” The obvious answer is, it teaches them that church is all about “me”. I didn’t state the latter, just posted his quote. A prominent couple left when one of them saw that post as a last straw. I believe church (and family) should be focused on Jesus Christ, not on children… or youth… or single adults…. or any other group.

 

One of the reasons some pastors are reticent to have small groups that meet in homes is due to the possibility of the group going rogue. A cell group may have a leader who teaches bad theology. A small group may attract people who complain about the church, the pastor, or another leader. The group becomes a meeting of the discontented. The result may be that they all stop attending, or go to another church. We’ve experienced the latter several times in our history. Two of these groups were headed by leaders who had once been in an accountability group with me. In the most recent instance, every member of that group left our church in about a one year period.

 

Are we doing something wrong? Am I doing something wrong? Did I offend? I ask myself these questions each time someone leaves. I care about them. Why don’t they care about me and this body any more? What more could I have done. I beat myself bloody, and it does no good. I used to go after these people. I mean, that’s what a good shepherd does, right? Go after the lost sheep. Except, most of these people are not lost. They’ve simply moved to another shepherd and another flock. Most importantly, the Good Shepherd is Jesus. I’m just his helper.  It seems to entrench people in their decision when I try to dissuade them. So, I take a different approach now. When they leave I hope for the best and concentrate on those over whom I still have charge as a shepherd.

 

Divorce is rampant in our society. For too many people it is the go-to solution for marital problems. Why do people get divorced? Adultery: understandable. “We grew apart,” or “I don’t love you any more”: unacceptable. This is symptomatic of our unwillingness to work out our problems with each other. It’s easier to move on and start over. Sadly, if you haven’t worked out the problems that caused the previous marriage to fail, the next one may face the same challenges, and could end the same way. When you leave a church because you had a problem you wouldn’t work out, you are taking at least part of that problem with you to the next church. Relational problems always have at least two sides, and you are on one of those sides. Leaving, divorcing, doesn’t solve your side of the problem.

 

People’s relationship to a church is somewhat like a marriage. It is a commitment to a community rather than an individual. People are going to disagree, offend one another, fall short of expectations, and we must learn to work through it.  We have to learn to communicate with one another before the breaking point. The alternative is lost friendships, and lost love. People who move from church to church are demonstrating restlessness within themselves. When we shop for a church, rather than pray and let the Holy Spirit lead us to commit to one, then we’ve turned Christ’s community into a consumer commodity. Why are we are seeking to affiliate with an institution and identify with a brand, rather than joining ourselves to a spiritual family? Church is people, not a building, denomination, institution or brand. We are called out from the world, and we are called together in communities to help one another to follow Jesus, and take the Gospel to into our world.

 

There is no perfect church. You will never find one. We are imperfect people gathering together in communities, and we are perfected day by day as we encourage one another to become more like Christ. I pray that I may encourage our people to realize this, and stay until the Holy Spirit calls them away.

Vindication Part 4

This is the fourth installment in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first three chapters in the series at deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on Facebook.com/deorl.

 

It has been a financial struggle to keep ministering to the population to whom I’ve been called. Most are young, none are wealthy, many are learning to be faithful when it concerns giving. When we started the church our denomination provided generous financial assistance. After two-and-a-half years that stopped. 

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I had always thought that our dramatic productions could help with money. That is, if we could make them profitable. Up to this point it had not occurred. We typically brought in just enough revenue to pay the bills for the event. After 1998’s huge House of Judgment I was deeply in credit card debt. Although many people had attended, the show cost much more than our ticket revenue.

 

In the year 2000 we moved the church into a previously abandoned movie theater in Garland, Texas. The building provided us with the necessary space to do our unique Halloween walk-through play, and to try some other things as well. For example, we did an original Christmas play called Emmanuel. Guests who came to the show walked from scene to scene and ended up in the main auditorium where they were privileged to hear music from a young, gifted musician named Chris Megert. You may have heard him sing on the radio. He is now known as Chris August.

 

In 2001 we performed The Ransom, an original Easter production. This one was performed on multiple stages, but in the same room. Later that year we decided to try something new for Halloween and produced a contemporary dramatic interpretation of Dante’s epic poem The Inferno. These events were well attended, but the numbers were nowhere near what we had experienced in the mid to late 90’s. So, my plan to use the profits from our dramatic productions to pay the bills for the church didn’t work.

 

When there are financial problems, family members may struggle with each other. Instead of mounting a unified attack against the problems they are facing, the house becomes divided. Jesus said, “a house divided will fall.” That almost happened to us.

 

During the production of The Inferno in 2001 there were struggles and misunderstandings. It started when I introduced the concept to our production team. They were less than enthusiastic. However, they were willing volunteers and worked hard to bring the vision to reality. I was working with a young man at the time who showed promise as a communicator of the Gospel. I allowed him to present the invitation at the end of The Inferno. He spoke to numerous audiences and there were many who indicated that they prayed to receive Christ. Then this potential preacher began to show signs of resentment, a reaction that was quite different than I would have ever imagined. During my early years of volunteering in ministry I would have been overwhelmed with the privilege of presenting the Gospel so many times with such success. This goes to prove, capability does not necessarily mean a calling from God is present, or, at least, a calling has not been heard and surrendered to.

 

There were almost always people who wanted to videotape our shows, usually amateurs. This particular year a man with a video production company wanted to use scenes from our show to put together a DVD series to market to youth groups. I scheduled actors and staff to come in for filming on a Tuesday evening. This was a night we wouldn’t be performing for a live audience. I was excited that our show was going to be seen by youth groups all over the country. I thought everything was going well.

 

After the taping was finished, one of the volunteers told me that I was needed at the front of the building. What I walked into was a secretly called meeting. My most trusted leaders were in attendance. I had been ambushed. The elder in the group was my associate pastor. He accused me of authorizing a transfer of money from our dramatic production to the church. I was guilty as charged, but this shouldn’t have been a problem for anyone. We needed to pay the church bills and we had earned the money from our production to do just that. In fact, as I’ve indicated previously, this was exactly what we wanted these productions to accomplish financially. The transfer was made to sound shady somehow. It was as if I  was being portrayed like a TV evangelist diverting donations from widows to put gold faucets in my Florida mansion. 

 

I reacted strongly; perhaps returning to the elder speaker the disrespect that this meeting and its silly accusation represented to me. There was nothing to the accusation that was being made. It was a thinly veiled effort to unseat me as president of our non-profit, and probably remove me as pastor of the church as well. I saw it as a hostile takeover attempt. It was certainly not professional or Christ-like. They had nothing to say when I presented the facts. There was no more discussion or debate. When I concluded my speech to the group, three key individuals bolted from the room and sped out of the parking lot with screeching tires. One of them was the young man I spoke of earlier to whom I had given the responsibility of presenting the Gospel to our audiences. He and the elder who initiated the accusation never returned to our church. The last man and his wife stayed for awhile, but several years later his family left.  I’ve heard about deacons doing this sort of thing in Baptist churches, or a board of directors doing it to the president of a company (ie. Steve Jobs and Apple), but these people were like family to me.

 

I sought to reconcile. I even invited the elder man to return to present the Gospel at other productions we did, and he acquiesced. Things were never the same after this, though. We had to leave our building in 2002 because there was no heat and  because we couldn’t afford the rent any longer. We continued to do shows through the mid-2000’s but have not done anything dramatic since 2008. Perhaps it’s time to begin again. I have to remind myself of God’s promise of vindication, and I need to hear his call once more to proclaim the Gospel via the theatre.

Vindication Promise 1

This is the first installment of a muliti-part story about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas.

 

Twenty-one years ago at around this time of year I was seeking God about the call to a new church. I’d been the youth minister for one congregation while I attended seminary. Now the time had come for me to graduate and move on. I made my resume’ available through the seminary placement office and several churches showed interest. My plan was to move back toward Arizona or California, but a church just 45 minutes away in Garland, Texas pursued and interviewed me. I spoke there in view of a call. They voted to call me as their Associate Pastor and Youth Minister. 

 

Now, I had said to myself, maybe to God, that I wouldn’t serve there unless the vote was one-hundred percent in favor. I’d already experienced drama related to a church that was not entirely behind their pastor and I didn’t want to be part of a divided church situation, especially over me. Trouble is, many churches with congregational forms of government do not agree one-hundred percent– on anything. When the pastor called with the news that they wanted me to serve, I asked about the vote. He said there were three or four people opposed. I declined the offer. The pastor wisely asked me to think about it and let him know by the following Wednesday evening.

 

Wednesday came and I sat in my office at the old church. I was planning my message for our weekly youth event called Fusion. I prayed about the new church and whether it was God’s will for me to go. I asked the Lord to speak, and I read my Bible to seek an answer. I don’t know how I arrived at the passage, but the words from Isaiah 41:8-20 jumped off the page. Here’s the text to verses 11-13 in the midst of the passage.

“All who rage against you 

will surely be ashamed and disgraced; 

those who oppose you 

will be as nothing and perish. 

Though you search for your enemies, 

you will not find them. 

Those who wage war against you 

will be as nothing at all. 

For I am the Lord, your God, 

who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, Do not fear; 

I will help you.”

 

What this said to me at the time was: it doesn’t matter what a few nay-sayers vote; you will be vindicated. God had my back, and he wanted me to serve at the new church. If you look at the passage, it speaks about people “who rage against you… your enemies… those who wage war against you.” That would be too strong if it referred only to a few people who voted not to call a future associate pastor and youth minister. As it turns out, this passage has been an essential promise to me during a generation of service in this community.

 

Time and again I’ve encountered opposition. At first this came from older people who didn’t understand my relational style of reaching teenagers, or why we wanted to do a Sunday night meeting for youth at a recreation center instead of attending church with the adults in the sanctuary. One Sunday evening before our youth moved to the rec center an older gentleman approached me and pointed out that one of the teenage young men was wearing a hat in the sanctuary. I turned to see who the offending youth might be and witnessed the boy’s mother directing him to remove the offending headgear. He complied (probably grudgingly). I courteously responded that it appeared the situation had been taken care of. The man never spoke to me again. This is a minor example of a growing rift between the old and the young. It happens in many churches: traditional expectations versus innovative methodology. I cannot say that everything I did was wise, nor can I say that I did enough to communicate with the older generation in that church. I do believe that everything we did fulfilled the church’s mission of reaching the unreached.

 

Understand, this was opposition to my method of ministry, not warfare. A critic is not the enemy. In fact, there can be healthy criticism if it is intended to edify and encourage. We can agree to disagree on some points. The real warfare is spiritual in nature, and the real Enemy is called Satan. His name comes from a Hebrew word that means adversary or enemy. This Enemy was preparing deeper harm to me and to my ministry than I ever imagined.  

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By the way, let me pause to affirm that this is not unique to me. Anyone who makes the effort to pursue God’s call and do His will is going to be opposed by the same Enemy. This is the one about whom Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10a).