Author Archives: deorl

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About deorl

Pastor of Lifewell Church. lifewellchurch.com

Give Them Space and Time

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People need space, time to make their own decisions. God grants each of us freedom; we must do the same for one another.

If you are in a relationship. You need to trust the other person. Don’t automatically assume the worst. If she hasn’t called or texted in the last hour, it doesn’t mean she’s cheating on you! If you cannot trust each other, why are you in the relationship?

Give him space to have his own friends. You don’t have to be together every free waking moment! When you give each other space, the relationship will mature and improve. If your partner is cheating, it’s a heart problem, which wouldn’t have been solved by keeping them on a short leash. In fact, untrusting relationships breed duplicity. If he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. Give him space and you’ll discover it soon enough. Then end the relationship and give him all the space he needs.

When you are in a position of authority, it is important to seek to understand and maintain sensitivity to those under your leadership.

As a parent, you must lead your child, not dominate her. Teach, direct, punish when necessary, but give her increasing amounts of space to be her own person. This child is not your “mini-me.” He is a unique individual, created in God’s image. God grants people freedom, so you must allow your child to be free. The number and types of choices you offer a child should correspond to the amount of responsibility they demonstrate. 

You must allow a child to make mistakes, then let them deal with the consequences. If your student is not doing well in school, don’t jump to the conclusion that the teacher is doing a poor job. Discover if your student is making an effort to learn. Is he behaving respectfully? Is he doing the work assigned? is he listening in class? If so, find out if he has a learning disability. Does he need glasses? Does he have a hearing problem? Work WITH the teacher. Don’t fall for the common excuse, “That teacher doesn’t like me.” Find out from the teacher, apart from your student, if there is a personality conflict. If the teacher is frustrated with your student, they may need to express it more objectively, rather than letting feelings determine their actions. Either way, find out WHY this teacher doesn’t like your angel? Your student may be responding to the teacher with disrespect, which should never be acceptable.

If your teen shoplifts, take him back to the store and make him give the item back. If he is arrested, it is not the end of the world. If he sits in jail for awhile, he may be able to better understand that what he did should never be repeated. If you run to the rescue, the teenager may only feel that they are impervious to consequences. Most teens believe they are invulnerable any way, don’t reinforce this delusion.

If you are an employer or a manager, don’t try to resolve every dispute between your employees. They need to work things out for themselves. If a conflict persists, advise them, offer a range of options. Show your employees that you trust them to do the job for which they were hired. If you micromanage their work, refuse their suggestions, and act officiously rather than judiciously, then you are not treating them with respect. Even though you are the boss, you are not above them, they are co-workers and partners. They have a job and so do you. As the boss, you are not there simply to tell them what to do, but to equip, empower and enable them to do the work for which you have made them responsible. When they make mistakes, correct them, teach them. If they are incorrigible, fire them. They will learn from this too.

People deserve respect because they are made in the image of God. People respond best when you give them space and time to learn and grow and be who God created them to be.

Are You Poor Enough to Become Rich?

The Spirit of the Lord  God  is upon me, because the  Lord  has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the  Lord ’s favor,  and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion—  to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,  the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;  that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the  Lord , that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations”  (Isaiah 61:1-5, ESV).

Who are the poor? Where do we find the poor in spirit?

Who is brokenhearted?

Who is captive, and to what are they enslaved, who is their master?

Who is in bondage, and what imprisons them?

Who is mourning, and for what?

These are the people Jesus came for, and if you and I are honest, we are those people: poor, brokenhearted, captive, in bondage, in mourning. Too many of us are lying to ourselves, though, or at least lying to others. We act satisfied with what we have and who we are. Perhaps this is because we lack hope, we lack a vision of something higher, something eternal. Perhaps too many of us are like the Laodiceans.

Laodicea was the seventh church the risen Jesus Christ addressed in Revelation chapter three. The church was established in a wealthy city filled with proud self-sufficient and self-satisfied and citizens. Here is what the Lord said to them, and what I believe would say to many of us:

“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked” (Revelation 3:15-17, NIV).

So long as you believe that you have all you need, that you are well and life is good, you will never receive blessing from God or be the person he desires. Your vision is clouded. You’ve become nearsighted by constantly looking only at what is placed in front of your face. You are a consumer and you buy, buy, buy whatever is easy, convenient, whatever feels good, or what everyone else has. Your imagination, the mind’s eye, is ruined with countless images of violence and pornography, which have been paraded before you and from which you have refused to look away. Yet there is still hope, if you sense conviction that something is wrong with you.

Here is what the risen Christ counseled the Laodiceans to do.

“I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent”  (Revelation 3:18-19, NIV).

Perhaps you keep it together on the outside. Your friends and family think you’re normal, just like them. Yet being just like them is not the standard to determine whether you are right on the inside. Jesus Christ is the standard. More important for us, he is the Savior. He will save and heal and provide for those who come to him and give up their lives. You have nothing to offer him but your life, your wounded, wrecked, worthless life. That is what he wants, though. Confess your need to Christ right now and invite him inside, even if you’ve done it a hundred or a thousand times. Perhaps you’ve finally reached the end of your self-centered, lonely little life. He is standing at the door.

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me” (Revelation 3:20, NIV).

Are You Unique?

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Are you unique?

That’s what they tell me.

Then why are you trying so hard to be like everyone else in your subculture?

What are you talking about?

You have a group, or maybe a type, that you strive to be like. You identify with them, or some representative or archetype of this subculture. For young people it is usually easier to see. They identify with a particular celebrity in sports or music, or with a style that is modeled by one or more successful or notorious people in a subculture. For example, you have the teens and twenties who have what might be called a ghetto-style (not judgmental, many aren’t ashamed of the term ghetto). They sag their pants low to show their underwear, or basketball shorts worn like underwear, athletic shoes are vital, especially Nike, and representing a particular team or player by wearing a jersey is typical. They wear big, very expensive, Dr. Dre Beats headphones, which signals that they are listening to rap artists like Lil Wayne, Drake, or whoever is speaking the values of their subculture.

What values?

Sex, money, drugs, misogyny…

Mis… what?

They hate women.

That’s not true.

Of course it is. When a “song” calls women bitches and whores, it is expressing disrespect and hatred, toward women. When sex is an act of violence expressed by the ubiquitous f-word, it demonstrates hatred toward the object of the sexual encounter. Sadly, too many women simply allow themselves to become the object of some boy-man’s sex play, presumably with the thought that love or acceptance will result. The reality is, she has been used like a piece of toilet paper and will be flushed just as quickly from his life.

That’s harsh.

It was reported to me that a young man boasted after one of these brief sexual encounters, “I f’ed that bitch.” These are learned values. They are taught and reinforced by the artists these people idolize.

You’re just an old man. You don’t understand.

I’m old enough to understand. I’ve observed the youth culture for several generations now. There are standard values that don’t change, even though outward styles change dramatically. There are other values that have been taught in schools and through the media, which are now normative.

What do you mean? What do you see that’s the same?

Young people are looking for an identity, initially one that is different than their parents, or authority figures in their lives. The need to be seen as unique, even though, ironically, they act and dress alike, is a part of adolescence. Dressing and talking like others in a group or subculture expresses another need that young people have: acceptance by the group. This latter need is exploited when the military recruits young people. It is so great a need that young people are willing to do, well, all of the foolish things that we associate with teenagers and twenty-somethings.

Such as?

Experimenting with drugs, getting drunk and high, multiple sexual encounters which both boys and girls now boast about, violence against those outside the subgroup, especially against those who hold different values.

What do you mean, like gangs fighting each other?

Okay, yes. Many times those gangs are racially homogenous and they attack a rival gang comprised of a different racial or ethnic group and its values, which are seen as foolish. Blacks vs. Mexicans, Whites vs. Blacks, Blacks vs. Asians. There is also generational division and disrespect. I think this has been expressed on a number of occasions via the recent, so called, “knock-out game,” wherein groups of young people target older people, whom they try to hit hard enough to knock unconscious. Resentment for the establishment represented by young people attacking middle aged well-to-do people may be another underlying motive. The base, animalistic tendency to take advantage of the weak for profit or to demonstrate superiority is actually degrading for those who participate.  Worse, when young men rape, rob and murder the elderly for fun, they have sunk lower than any animal.

So, is that new, or did you see those kinds of things in, like, the 80’s?

I don’t really think it’s new. Maybe the form it takes, like the knock-out game, is new, but violence against the elderly has been around for a long time. In fact, that’s what the cult classic movie A Clockwork Orange is about, and it came out in the early 70’s. I’ve never understood the fascination with this movie, or the reason it is considered a classic.

What do you think is new, then?

Homosexuality.

What, you think there are more gays?

No, the percentage of people who persistently pursue that as their sexual preference has probably not changed all that much.

So, you agree that it’s genetic?

Not really, but I think the proclivity, or tendency, which may bring about attraction to the same gender may be. There are also social issues that may lead some people to act out sexually to fulfill certain perceived needs. However, I think homosexual acting out is a choice. The so called LGBT subculture has become well respected due to media and educational forces. The acceptance of this subculture among young people, who are most susceptible to those forces, is relatively new.

That’s good.

It is good if fewer people who self-identify as gay are being bullied or ostracized. It’s not good if, as a teenager journeys through puberty and feels some type of fascination with their own gender, they are made to believe they have been born homosexual.

Well, if you’re a guy and you are attracted to guys, then you’re gay. No big deal.

It’s not that simple. Many people go through phases of attraction as they move through puberty. This attraction is not necessarily a desire to have sex, so much as it is natural interest that can result in exploration. First a young person is fascinated with their own changing body, then with the bodies of those who are like them (their own gender), then with those who are unlike them (the opposite sex). If the normal progression stalls for some reason, and a young person is convinced by their culture that they’ve been born this way, it is tragic.

So, what if they stop at the beginning when they are still focused on their own body? What would you call that person? What would they be like?

That is a narcissist, which I believe is a huge problem among young people today, not just sexually, but socially.

I’ve heard people your age call us narcissistic. It’s probably just jealousy.

Maybe the ease with which some older people have recognized it is driven by envy. They wish they were still young and are affronted by your unwillingness to accept them. However, this is a real problem, and I think parent and grandparents must share guilt for your generation’s narcissism.

Really, how?

Many young people have a sense of entitlement, which is established by caregivers who give them whatever they want without any requirements. Previous generations of youth had to work hard to obtain what is taken for granted by young people today. I see teenagers from poorer homes whose parents buy them expensive athletic shoes, smart phones, Hollister, American Eagle or Polo clothing.  You have been led to believe that you deserve the best. What did you do to deserve it?

Because I’m good.

Really, and what good have you done and for whom have you done it?

I don’t know. I just am.

No, you’re not. Nobody is, really. Jesus was called good by a man one time and he answered, “Why do you call me good? Nobody is good but God.”

So, Jesus wasn’t good either.

He is the only one who was, and is. He was trying to get the man to recognize that he was God come in the flesh, and that’s why he is good. Only when we are connected to God do we become in any way good.

Well, it’s unconditional love, right? Isn’t that what Christians are supposed to be about?

Love means acting in the best interest of the person you love. Giving your kid a pair of new Jordans won’t make him a better person, and it may make him the target of some jealous bully or robber who covets those shoes. Buying a kid an internet enabled smartphone if the parent fails to monitor what that kid is doing with it, is not a good idea. Many young people send sexually explicit pictures, access porn, film fights, use Vine, Instagram and YouTube to share and glorify bad and evil things. That is not love.

So, I go out and get a job, buy what I want, and it’s the same thing.

But that doesn’t promote narcissism and entitlement. You may still enjoy the same things, and some of those things may be wrong, but you learned the value of earning what you have. And if you mistreat it or break it, you have to replace it with your own money. Maybe you discover that something you have to work for is more valuable and should be used for better things. I think a young person would benefit greatly from having to work to get their first car.

I hope my Dad buys me something really nice.

I hope your Dad makes you work to pay for it. I had to work the whole summer after I turned 16 to buy my first car. A few months later I totaled it and had to pay payments on the next car. I did it all, though. Paid for the car, the insurance, the gas and upkeep. I learned the value of working for what you want. I got kicked out of my house when I was 17. I didn’t live on the street. My step-dad provided me with an inexpensive place to live on my own. I paid my own way, though. I went to school full-time and I worked hard to make a living. I went to college on my own and got my degree. Nothing was given to me.

The world had changed.

People haven’t changed all that much, though. Back to my original question: Are you unique?

I don’t know. Yeah, I guess so.

You are if you choose to be different than the mold into which our culture wants to press you. The Bible says it this way: “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by getting your mind renewed, then you will be able to test and prove what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2, my paraphrase).

What if I don’t want to do God’s will?

That’s your option. But if you don’t do God’s will, you’ll just be another culture clone, a drone doing what the world around you dictates.

I do what I want.

You do what the world leads you to believe you want. It gets worse. The world is controlled by a prince who seeks to destroy you. The Bible calls him the Prince of the “Power of the Air,” and the “god of this world.”

Satan, right?

Yes. That word Satan means Enemy. He’s a fallen angel. Once he was close to God, but he chose to rebel and do things his own way. He wanted to be god.

Well, you said he is god of this world, so it looks like he got his wish.

When you get what you want apart from God, it falls apart sooner or later. Satan will eventually get what he deserves, and he’s already been defeated if people will start believing in Jesus and stop believing his lies .God allowed Satan to deceive people and gain control of the world. It’s a test. That’s the only way he stays in control, by deceiving us. Earlier I said when you do what you want you are only doing what the world dictates. You are really doing what Satan wants you to do. He lies and leads us to do his will by luring us with evil desires.

This is where you tell me that sex is evil.

No, sex is good, assuming you do it the way God designed it. Pray for a lifelong mate and best friend, marry that person, and learn to become intimate with them.

So, homosexuality is okay as long as you’re married?

No. Homosexuality is not God’s design. It doesn’t produce life. It falls short of his plan for sex, marriage, family, and intimacy.

People are born gay though.

That’s one of many lies Satan tells. I’ve already explained one reason that people may feel that way, if they find themselves attracted to the same gender and continue to reinforce that attraction sexually and socially, and then choose to self-identify as gay, they will probably believe the lie that they were born that way. The world is fallen, so I”m not saying someone who feels homosexual feelings is just freely choosing to be attracted. The attraction is there for a reason, but that doesn’t mean someone has to give themselves over to feelings of same sex attraction, or pursue it as though it were something God created and wills for them to do. People are tempted to do all sorts of self-destructive things— some people do heroin, some people like to fight, some people overeat— that doesn’t make those things are right. God has a better plan.

Like what?

Follow Jesus Christ.

Why?

He is the perfect example of what God created every human being to be. He came to earth, lived the kind of life we are supposed to live, but cannot live apart from God, then died on the cross to pay the death penalty we owe for the self-centered, sinful, rebellious lives we lead, and then rose from the dead to pave the way for us to get back to God. When you put your faith in Jesus Christ and start following him, you’ll really be unique.

Christians are boring, though.

Religious people are boring, church people can be boring. Following Jesus is a risky, amazing adventure. Start by talking to God and telling him you believe in Jesus. Confess where you’ve gone wrong. Ask God to become real to you. Start reading the Gospels in the New Testament of the Christian Bible, and you’ll get to know what Jesus is like. Ask God to fill you up with his Holy Spirit, Start following the leading of the Spirit.

And that will make me unique? Won’t I just have to stop doing everything that’s fun and go to church and listen to preachers and sing songs I really don’t like, and hang out with old people?

Church is a family. There are old people, young people, and everyone in between. In a good church there are people from different cultures and races, all worshiping the same God, following the same Jesus, and yet everyone is unique.

Maybe I’ll think about it.

Start believing and you’ll be unique.

Bullying

I hate bullying. Bullying takes on many forms. Bullies are everywhere. When someone has power—physical, financial, social— and uses it to persecute and harm those whom they dislike, that’s bullying.

 

I was bullied in school. It started with fights in seventh grade. I beat two kids who threatened and challenged me, but they had a bigger friend. He wasn’t that much bigger, but for some reason I was scared of him. He wanted to fight and constantly harassed me. I didn’t want a beating, so I ran, and ran, and ran. It was miserable. Fear was the dominant emotion for me in eighth grade. I rode my bike to school instead of the bus. School was about four miles from my house. It was a lonely ride back an forth every day.

 

Today bullying has expanded and exploded. Now we hear not only about kids, but adults bullying too. Bullies use social media, texting, and sexting. It is incredibly foolish to send a naked picture of yourself to someone; they may later use it for revenge. People have committed suicide because they cannot take the bullying any longer. This all makes me very sad.

 

Bullying is not isolated to individuals. Powerful political lobbies and wealthy media empires bully people who do not agree with their viewpoint. The dismissal of Phil Robertson from the Duck Dynasty program on A & E is a recent example of the relentless efforts of the gay lobby to silence anyone who disagrees with them. Louie Giglio was pressured to step down from praying at President Obama’s inauguration for the same reason. I was encouraged to see that Greg Laurie courageously and courteously stood up to the bullies refusing to step down from his invitation to call upon God at the National Day of Prayer.

 

People who are openly gay have been persecuted and bullied for many years, so this phenomena is not isolated to the LGBT lobby. In fact, homosexuals have been excluded, excoriated, and even beaten by bullies. While motivation behind the infamous Matthew Sheppard episode has been called into question by a well researched book recently (The Book of Matt), there have been other legitimate cases where gays have been victims of death threats, violence and murder simply because of their professed sexual orientation. This is evil. This is wrong.

 

The real battle is not gay versus straight, but love versus hate. The cornerstone of a civilized society is mutual respect. Regardless of my disagreement with your lifestyle choice, I can choose to grant you the respect due any other human being created in the image of God. Mutual respect can be stated concisely in the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated. Feel free to disagree with someone, but let your argument be with their ideas and practices. If I am secure and believe firmly in my values and ideals, I will not be threatened by those who disagree. In fact, I will welcome healthy debate as a means of sharpening my defense of cherished ideas, making me a better person. “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17).

 

The role of power is to uphold what is right and defend the weak. Bullying misuses power and exploits the weak. When you are in possession of economic, political, intellectual or physical power, it is important to look out not only for your own interests but for the interests of others. Love your neighbor as yourself. This will prevent you or I from becoming bullies.

Troublemaker Peacemaker

I’m a troublemaker,

and a peacemaker.

I’m a lover and a fighter,

not a liar and a faker.

I’m a big mistake maker,

so I gotta live by grace,

to run this faith race.

Trouble is, I’m out of place 

on this planet so full

of evil and hate.

I wanna make a change,

rearrange

the silly groupthink

infecting the masses,

who don’t really think,

so much as feel 

their way round in the dark

of Plato’s cave.

Illogical logic is the reason,

minds change with the season.

Or like Texas weather,

one minute passion makes hot,

the next, depression is freezing

And here I am so trapped

in pathetic self-pity,

energy and intellect sapped,

and I am kept

from making a difference.

Dear God, set me free

from the tyranny of me.

Now I lay me down

on the altar of sacrifice.

Take my life

make my life

a living sacrifice.

i am

I am not you
Baptist preacher,
Pentecostal screamer,
charismatic dreamer.
I am called to be
a Truth teller,
pastor, preacher,
evangelist and teacher,
a portent and surprise,
not least of all to myself.
Why, O why did I
think I had to become
just another one:
from emergent iconoclastic,
to purpose driven plastic.
Because I need to be
liked.
Who wants to be
ignored?
Not me.
So I try to fit in,
but I’m still locked out.
I reach the rejected,
who, once empowered, leave
to join the ranks of the respected.
I cannot make them all happy!
I cannot even be
who they expect me to be.
O, Yahweh,
set me free to be
me, just me:
not who they think
they need me to be,
not who my feelings,
inspired by the Liar,
lead me to believe I am,
but the me I am
when the Son of Man
lives within,
and I remain in HIm.
I am who I am
by the grace of the I AM.

Sick and Sad 13

Sick and sad,

already broken or

I’d be breaking bad.

But still, 

what if I

took a sabbatical

and tested myself?

Solomon is the example.

He knew that life under the sun

is all vanity, but indulged

only for a moment in pleasure and fun.

All the while he watched 

with his wisdom intact

to discover if

nothing is worth it, in fact.

I know the answer,

as did the wisest man.

But I need to feel

something.

I’ve got to find a way to become

someone.

This tame existence is killing me.

My dreams are dammed up,

my desires are pent up,

and lust must be damned out.

But I’ve got to break free

from this boring little life

before I waste away.

Everyone loves

the Prodigal.

His return was celebrated

his story told and retold,

while the responsible son

tended sheep out in the cold.

I wait and wait and wait and wait,

my heart is sick

from hope deferred

and unfulfilled longing.

When, O when

will I reach the heights

I thought God called me to

back then, at a time when

everything seemed possible.

When can I be fulfilled again?

Over half my life is gone

and still I wait.

I suppose I’ll be like 

Abraham

rather than Solomon.

Restore to me the joy

of my salvation.

Vindication, Part 8, Popularity and Brokenness

This is the eighth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first seven parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

 

I don’t want to sound jaded or cynical, but so much of what I see in regard to church and ministry may be explained by the politics of the playground. You remember elementary school, right? Actually, this applies to school all the way through college, but the playground is a seedbed and an accessible example. Starting in kindergarten there are popular and unpopular kids, as well as many in the middle. Those in the middle determine who is popular by virtue of whom they decide to follow. 

 

There was a game that was often played when I was in grade school that illustrates this. A group of kids would join hands and walk shoulder to shoulder through the playground chanting, “Hey, hey, get out of my way, I just got back from the USA!” The group grew when other kids joined it by taking the hand of a member at either end of the chorus line. If the kids at both ends thought you had cooties or something, then you didn’t get to join that group. There were usually competing groups marching around and chanting loudly. Sometimes two groups would stand opposite one another and battle by screaming, perhaps bumping each other. A kid or two might join an opposing group, usually because it was larger, or had more popular people in it. The larger groups gained members quickly, while the smaller groups grew more slowly or simply disbanded (some or all of their members joining a larger group).  Many people like to be a part of something big.

 

None of these groups was spontaneous; someone started each one by recruiting the first members, then marching and chanting to advertise for more. I’m sure you’ve already jumped ahead to my intended application. Churches are really no different than these chorus lines on the playground. Although, I would hope a church has higher aspirations than merely gaining more members. If the main point of a church’s existence is increasing numerically, then how is that church any different from, say, a gym, a restaurant, or a store? All of these are striving to gain more loyal customers.

 

The word for church in the original Greek means “called out.” I have always believed the New Testament teaching about church: it is a community God has called out from the world to worship him, support one another, learn to follow Christ’s teaching, and offer the Gospel to the world (see Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 2:42-47 & 4:32-35). As we proclaim the resurrected Jesus and live out his love in the world, God calls people to become a part of his Kingdom and join our communities. “And he added to their number daily those who were being saved” (Acts 2:47).

 

Therefore, the big difference between playground politics and church membership should be the God factor. We (pastors, teachers, evangelists, every day Christians) broadcast the Good News and those who receive it are called by God to be part of a community of fellow believers. That call happens when God’s Holy Spirit draws or compels a person to become part of a local church. Here is where I get negative, perhaps you would say skeptical (hopefully not cynical). I don’t think most people are paying attention to the Holy Spirit’s leading. Many misconstrue their own feelings as God moving. The reality is, a lot of people are just following the popular impulse to attend a particular church because others like them are there. Many seek to identify with an attractive brand, or affiliate with what appears to be a trustworthy institution. The pastor and his family look like our kind of people, so we want to be a part of their group.

 

The “why” of popularity has been a source of consideration and consternation for me since first grade (I never went to kindergarten). Why am I not popular? I remember running for class office in fourth grade. I spent all night putting together packets with candy to bribe class members into voting for me. I got two votes (yes, mine was one of them). In high school I would never have dreamed of trying to run for office, but in government class my senior year there was an election for some office. I ran on a platform that included legalization of marijuana (a transparent attempt to get the stoner vote), and lost. In college I started a Bible study at the Baptist Student Union. I put up flyers all over campus. I had one freshman who kept attending, and that was it. I tried to get on the BSU steering committee and was denied by the BSU director. He said that my efforts at personal evangelism would somehow be hindered by having a position on the committee. In the end he just didn’t like me (not hostility, just simple rejection). Why don’t more people like me? 

 

We started the church I lead the same year as two others in our region. Both of these churches are large, ours is not. I’m sure that there are other congregations that started the same year which don’t even exist any longer. Reportedly, 32% of all new church plants fail within five years (NAMB report http://www.namb.net/namb1cb2col.aspx?id=8590001104 ) I know of one congregation in our city that started several years before ours, became quite large, then folded. Perhaps focusing on our continued survival could be a source of consolation for me, but it isn’t. I always thought if God led me to start a church, it would grow large. I was saved in a large church. I know the importance of evangelism and preach the Gospel. I once ran a ministry that introduced thousands of people to Christ (House of Judgement was used to lead over 10,000 people to pray a prayer of salvation). So, why in heaven and earth has the church I lead not grown beyond a hundred or so (at times a few more, at others, many less)?

 

Perhaps it is because I am not married. People are looking for a pastor who is a family man, for a father of children, for a husband of a lovely wife. Sorry, that’s not my call. God hasn’t shown me anyone to marry, and I will not jump into a relationship to make other people happy with me. Perhaps it is because I do not have an appealing appearance. I have crooked teeth and don’t smile as often as I’d like to because of self-consciousness. I guess this is my fault by now. If I spent money on the dentist like I have Apple products, I’d have a beautiful smile. But wait, I thought the church was, well, supernatural, a community of people who have been called out of the world, not a social group who have decided to cluster around a handsome, charismatic leader. As a reminder, last Monday (11-19-2-13) marked 35 years since 900 people committed suicide at the command of cult leader Jim Jones.

 

Is it my sin that keeps the church from growing? Yes, I sin. No, I’m not smoking meth and seeing prostitutes (as the prominent pastor of a large church in Colorado was discovered doing several years back). I’m not stealing from the church or manipulating people to give money (there are plenty of ministry leaders who have been caught doing so). I’ve never had sex outside marriage. I don’t even look at porn– I cannot say I never have, but it’s been a very long time and even then it was quite brief. I do get angry. I do use some obscenities on occasion (usually when alone and yelling at some piece of errant technology). I do have to exercise constant restraint on lustful temptation. I’m sure I’ve offended people by saying or doing the wrong thing. I usually to make this right in the end, though that doesn’t always result in the person or people continuing to be members of our church. I do keep writing honest exposés like this one, and some people would prefer to have a fairy tale pastor. There may be some in my community that which I’d just get over myself and stop writing like this. Maybe I should heed that perceived advice.

 

Is it my lack of personal evangelism that keeps the church from increasing? Perhaps. I do know how to share the Gospel with people. I am simply uninterested in appearing like a salesman. I’ve also lost a lot of confidence in recent years. I feel like people will not want to listen to me, so perhaps I don’t share when I should. I lack urgency in this area, but I don’t believe in the dictum: “if it is to be, it is up to me.” I’m not a Calvinist, though. It’s just, God doesn’t need me. Heck, sometimes I don’t even feel as though he likes me. I’ve told God recently that if I got it wrong and I’m not supposed to be in ministry, then show me something else to do. I’d probably be unhappy, but I’m miserable when our attendance and offering is low. I take it personally. I mean why am I here? There are worthy men and women in my church whom I’d love to pay to do the work of ministry. They need the money. We cannot pay them because I cannot get enough people to attend and continue supporting this ministry. It is one thing to fail yourself; believe me, it is a devastating to fail others.

 

Sometimes, I become tired of trying. I’m tired of preparing for a Wednesday night Bible study where five or six people show up. I’m tired of fluctuating Sunday worship attendance: one week 80 or 100, the next week 45-50. I’m tired of people who refuse to continue living for Christ. Half the people I’ve mentored over the years are not living for Christ with any passion, and probably half of those aren’t actively following Jesus any longer. Most of the leaders I looked up to over the years have shown cracks in their armor, and some failed morally. If I look at all of this, it makes me sad and depressed. In fact, I’ve evaluated myself, and at times over the last 15 years I’ve shown signs of clinical depression. I’m beyond burned out; I’m sick and sad and in need of a miracle. This is exactly where God wants me to be so that he gets all the credit and all the glory.

 

I’ve come to the conclusion that this life is all about being broken. Self-confidence is deceptive. Pride is original sin. When I trust in me, there is little room for God. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). There is a huge problem with narcissism in our nation. People have been brought up to believe they need to love themselves in order to love others (a gross misinterpretation of Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor as yourself,” but that’s a topic for another blog). Many of us are inveterate self-promoters. I need more followers on Twitter, more “likes” for my page or my post on Facebook. Indeed, I have to be careful that my desire for higher attendance at our church is not motivated by selfish ambition. Maybe that’s the problem. Don’t worry, I’ve been evaluating that possibility for some time. God’s purpose is not to raise me up and give me glory. My purpose is to worship him, praise him, give him glory, and to lead others (by word and deed) to do the same. In order for that to happen, “He must become greater, I must become less” (John 3:30). “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God that he may raise you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:6). Jeremiah the prophet was led into the potters house where he watched the craftsman make a pot, then break it down to remake it because it had become marred on the wheel (Jeremiah 18). I am marred. He is remaking me.

  

I still believe. I still love Jesus. I still love my people. I’m still in ministry. I’m still trying. I continue clinging to the promises that brought me to Garland, Texas 21 years ago. If you’ve been reading these articles, you are a trooper. They are pretty negative at times. However, God has not left me. Even though I complain, quarrel and test him like Israel did, he remains my rock. I wrote these eight reflections on ministry as a way of reminding myself that the scripture God used to bring me to this city was prophetic and necessary to keep me from failing and falling. I’m still looking for vindication. I’m still believing God. I’m still trying to change. One thing is for sure: no weapon formed against me shall stand; no scheme against me shall prosper. Yes, I still believe. “Though he slay me, still I will serve him.” Here is a final reminder of the prophecy I seek to (re)establish in my life. 

From Isaiah 41

8 “But you, O Israel, my servant, 

Jacob, whom I have chosen, 

you descendants of Abraham my friend, 

9 I took you from the ends of the earth, 

from its farthest corners I called you. 

I said, ‘You are my servant’; 

I have chosen you and have not rejected you. 

10 So do not fear, for I am with you; 

do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; 

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

11 “All who rage against you 

will surely be ashamed and disgraced; 

those who oppose you 

will be as nothing and perish. 

12 Though you search for your enemies, 

you will not find them. 

Those who wage war against you 

will be as nothing at all. 

13 For I am the Lord, your God, 

who takes hold of your right hand 

and says to you, Do not fear; 

I will help you. 

14 Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, 

O little Israel, 

for I myself will help you,” declares the Lord, 

your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. 

15 “See, I will make you into a threshing sledge, 

new and sharp, with many teeth. 

You will thresh the mountains and crush them, 

and reduce the hills to chaff. 

16 You will winnow them, the wind will pick them up, 

and a gale will blow them away. 

But you will rejoice in the Lord 

and glory in the Holy One of Israel. 

17 “The poor and needy search for water, 

but there is none; 

their tongues are parched with thirst. 

But I the Lord will answer them; 

I, the God of Israel, will not forsake them. 

18 I will make rivers flow on barren heights, 

and springs within the valleys. 

I will turn the desert into pools of water, 

and the parched ground into springs. 

19 I will put in the desert 

the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. 

I will set pines in the wasteland, 

the fir and the cypress together, 

20 so that people may see and know, 

may consider and understand, 

that the hand of the Lord has done this, 

that the Holy One of Israel has created it.

 

AMEN.

Vindication Part 7 MONEY

This is the seventh chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first six parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

Money, money, money, if only I had enough money.

I started college in the Fall of 1980. I enrolled in a small Christian school called Grand Canyon College (now a university). It was inexpensive when compared to many other private schools, which is to say it is expensive when compared to most state sponsored schools. I took out student loans to pay for my education. I am still paying off those loans.

I transferred to Baylor University in 1982. It is a magnificent school. It is also quite a bargain when compared to comparable public universities. It remains quite expensive. I’m still paying off those loans as well.

Unless you’re a mega-church pastor with a book deal, you are not going to make a lot of money doing ministry (assuming you stay honest). Until recently I’ve been paying into a retirement account. I started investing small amounts in this annuity when I entered full-time ministry in 1992. I stopped paying into it because I cannot afford it at this time. No big deal, since I wouldn’t be able to retire for even a full year on what’s in the account. Many ministers in the denomination with which our church cooperates cannot retire comfortably.

When I entered seminary I started carrying medical insurance through the denomination. This year I had to stop paying for that too. It was a good policy, but it has become increasingly  cost-prohibitive as I’ve grow older.  To top it off, Blue Cross/Blue Shield will not pay for hearing aids. You can complain all you want about Obamacare, but it had nothing to do with this situation. Something needs to be done for people to be able to afford to go to the doctor.

I’d just enjoy having the funds to to pay the rent on our church building every month. It would be wonderful to be able to support more missions, and start some churches. Ministry requires money.

I refuse to manipulate or take advantage of people in order to collect more donations. I had a worldly-wise member who told me one time: “tend the sheep, milk the goats.” This means use the people who give larger amounts of money, even if they are cantankerous, but focus your energy on those whom you’ve been called to shepherd. The temptation to do this is not a problem for me. People who don’t like me, just leave without further ado, and I don’t go chasing them down.

I will not make visitors feel like they should give. I don’t keep tabs on which members are giving either. This may seem impractical, even foolish. However, many people are turned-off about church and Christianity because of preachers who constantly ask for money.

I do believe in tithing. I didn’t for a long time. I used to think it was legalism. Oh, I gave. I felt like quite the sacrificial youth minister when I would buy things our ministry needed. What I discovered is, that’s not the same thing. I read a book by Robert Morris called The Blessed Life wherein the mega-church pastor demonstrated that the tithe represents giving the first and best to God. Giving the tithe was practiced before the Law of Moses, most notably when Abraham gave Melchizedek a tithe of the spoils he took in a battle (check Genesis 14:18-20). In other words, the tithe is an act of worship, not an attempt to please God by keeping the Law.

My tithing affects the entire church. They don’t realize it, but since the pastor got serious about tithing consistently about 10 years ago, our finances improved remarkably. I also started taking up an offering regularly during the worship service around this same time. Prior to that I’d been known to forget to ask for an offering at times.

We’ve gone through some difficult periods in my church, but God’s always pulled us through. I am grateful. I’d just like to stop having to worry about where the money will come from to pay all of the bills. In the last year and a half I’ve been depressed about this issue many times.

Honestly, I’ve been ready to leave the ministry and do something else. Really. Money problems will burn a minister out fast, and they can end a church. I told God that I’d quit if that’s what he wanted. I told him I’d teach school, or work for someone else, whether in our out of ministry. I just want to do God’s will. If I’m the problem, then remove the problem. No problem.

Every Sunday church attendance is a moratorium on my preaching. One week we have a full house. I preach to challenge or encourage or teach. It seems people are responsive. The next week we have half as many people in attendance. This is depressing, but it’s also a great burden because we have to pay the bills. I wonder, “where is the money going to come from?”

Don’t get me wrong, we have an amazing small core of individuals and families who do all they can to support our church. I have to worry when anyone leaves because it may mean we cannot pay our rent, support a mission, or give as much to the needy. I’d love to pay other ministers in our church who could use some help. This may not happen if people leave for the big church down the street.

So, why do I continue? I believe. I trust God. This will not continue. It cannot. It is a test. Will I, will we, stay faithful, or quit? Will I believe the promises in God’s Word? I am choosing to say yes, even though there are confounding variables and contradictory evidence at times.

Recently we’ve seen a number of people commit their lives to Christ. That is encouraging. Will they keep the commitment? In other words, do they really have faith? That’s not my call. However, it contributes to whether this church will continue to grow. I read a quote by Rick Warren today (I used to discount Rick Warren’s ministry as too unlike ours to be helpful. Actually, I’m just jealous). He spoke to pastors about their churches when he said, “You’re either a Risk taker, a Caretaker, or an Undertaker.” The last two are not good. A Caretaker is just keeping the status quo, keeping the members happy, not doing anything to elicit growth. An Undertaker is shepherding a dying church. Heaven forbid! So, I’ll pray about where and when and how to take risks to bring about growth.

I’ll end with some of those promises.

“Though the fig tree should not blossom

And there be no fruit on the vines,

Though the yield of the olive should fail

And the fields produce no food,

Though the flock should be cut off from the fold

And there be no cattle in the stalls,

Yet I will exult in the Lord,

I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my strength,

And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,

And makes me walk on my high places.”

(Habakkuk 3:17-19, NASB)

“Honor the Lord from your wealth

And from the first of all your produce;

So your barns will be filled with plenty

And your vats will overflow with new wine.”

(Proverbs 3:9-10, NASB)

“Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”

(Luke 6:38, NASB)

“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

(2 Corinthians 9:7-11, NIV)

I believe Lord, help my unbelief (and unfaithfulness).

Vindication, Part 6, Losing People

This is the sixth chapter in a series about 21 years of overcoming conflict and opposition as I’ve tried to learn how to minister and speak the truth in Garland, Texas. You can read the first five parts at www.deorl.wordpress.com or in my notes on www.Facebook.com/deorl.

 

It is not possible to make everybody happy, especially when you are called upon to challenge people and speak (all too many times uncomfortable) truth. It is also not possible to be perfect in this life. Sometimes we hurt one another, intentionally or unintentionally. I’ve made mistakes and offended people. Forgiveness is essential to any lasting relationship.

 

It hurts a pastor when people leave his church. At least, it hurts me. Sometimes difficult people leave. I should breath a sigh of relief when this happens, but still I feel a loss. Over 14 years as pastor of the same church I’ve seen people come and go. It is difficult to let people go when they have become like family.

 

I’m generalizing because I hesitate to tell the stories of people who are still out there. People whom I still love. Many of these live nearby. Some who have departed expressed a desire to remain friends. I have tried. Honestly, that’s a lot like dating someone, getting close to them, and then breaking up. We say, let’s just be friends. Yet, even without animosity, the friendship is nominative. We drift to become acquaintances at best. They might as well be in a different city. In fact, that would make it easier.

 

I’ve had leaders in my church leave. This doesn’t just hurt me, it hurts the whole community. They continue to maintain relationships with members of our church, while they are serving enthusiastically in a church down the street. This only leads people to question why. What is wrong with our ministry? It leads others to resent them. What is wrong with that former leader?

 

In two prominent cases, young people who had been in my youth groups in the past were involved deeply in our church, met their spouses at our church, had children whom I blessed, then left our church for larger ministries. Ironically, when you consider how they established their families, both of these former leaders cited a weakness in our children’s ministry as their reason for leaving.

 

I have a former student who is now the pastor of a church in another city. He posted on Twitter and I reposted what he said. It was something like, “When you leave a church for the sake of your children, what does that teach them about church?” The obvious answer is, it teaches them that church is all about “me”. I didn’t state the latter, just posted his quote. A prominent couple left when one of them saw that post as a last straw. I believe church (and family) should be focused on Jesus Christ, not on children… or youth… or single adults…. or any other group.

 

One of the reasons some pastors are reticent to have small groups that meet in homes is due to the possibility of the group going rogue. A cell group may have a leader who teaches bad theology. A small group may attract people who complain about the church, the pastor, or another leader. The group becomes a meeting of the discontented. The result may be that they all stop attending, or go to another church. We’ve experienced the latter several times in our history. Two of these groups were headed by leaders who had once been in an accountability group with me. In the most recent instance, every member of that group left our church in about a one year period.

 

Are we doing something wrong? Am I doing something wrong? Did I offend? I ask myself these questions each time someone leaves. I care about them. Why don’t they care about me and this body any more? What more could I have done. I beat myself bloody, and it does no good. I used to go after these people. I mean, that’s what a good shepherd does, right? Go after the lost sheep. Except, most of these people are not lost. They’ve simply moved to another shepherd and another flock. Most importantly, the Good Shepherd is Jesus. I’m just his helper.  It seems to entrench people in their decision when I try to dissuade them. So, I take a different approach now. When they leave I hope for the best and concentrate on those over whom I still have charge as a shepherd.

 

Divorce is rampant in our society. For too many people it is the go-to solution for marital problems. Why do people get divorced? Adultery: understandable. “We grew apart,” or “I don’t love you any more”: unacceptable. This is symptomatic of our unwillingness to work out our problems with each other. It’s easier to move on and start over. Sadly, if you haven’t worked out the problems that caused the previous marriage to fail, the next one may face the same challenges, and could end the same way. When you leave a church because you had a problem you wouldn’t work out, you are taking at least part of that problem with you to the next church. Relational problems always have at least two sides, and you are on one of those sides. Leaving, divorcing, doesn’t solve your side of the problem.

 

People’s relationship to a church is somewhat like a marriage. It is a commitment to a community rather than an individual. People are going to disagree, offend one another, fall short of expectations, and we must learn to work through it.  We have to learn to communicate with one another before the breaking point. The alternative is lost friendships, and lost love. People who move from church to church are demonstrating restlessness within themselves. When we shop for a church, rather than pray and let the Holy Spirit lead us to commit to one, then we’ve turned Christ’s community into a consumer commodity. Why are we are seeking to affiliate with an institution and identify with a brand, rather than joining ourselves to a spiritual family? Church is people, not a building, denomination, institution or brand. We are called out from the world, and we are called together in communities to help one another to follow Jesus, and take the Gospel to into our world.

 

There is no perfect church. You will never find one. We are imperfect people gathering together in communities, and we are perfected day by day as we encourage one another to become more like Christ. I pray that I may encourage our people to realize this, and stay until the Holy Spirit calls them away.