When we are young the world sparkles with promise.
Life abounds within and surrounds us;
Death is unknown, or very far away.
There is little need to seek,
for everything comes to us:
life, love, hope, beauty and truth.
But lies find us too,
often clothed in selfish desire.
Then, in floods ugliness, violence, abuse,
and finally: death.
The world loses its allure.
What follows are days,
long and many, of malaise,
and petty pleasures to drive away
despair and existential dread.
Is it possible to recover our childlike wonder,
I wonder?
I may fool myself into believing so,
but the world is the same soul killing thing.
Everything ends in death.
Everything?
I do not like death;
and I don’t believe in it, either.
No, I know it exists.
In fact, it is inexorable:
for all but One.
Sane, good women and men
report that One died, was buried,
and returned to life.
They saw Him and I seek Him,
and I want His gift of eternal life.
No, not this mundane malaise,
but childlike life that never ends.
There are those who would call this
Delusion.
But my heart is not dead yet,
even if I am disillusioned.
It seems to me that the real delusion
is belief in this world,
or worse:
Believe in your self!
No wonder we seek to medicate,
anesthetize, deceive and distract.
Self is a pitiful little god,
impotent and in need of illusions to prop it up.
I have hope,
but not in this world.
I have faith,
but not in myself.
I continue to seek, but not for wealth,
power, pleasure or fame.
I seek the One who came from above,
and became a son of man,
sparkling with a glory that pierced the gloom.
This One was rejected by all the exalted believers
in Self.
He was crucified, buried and left for dead
outside their sanctimonious city.
Then He rose.
I reject death as my destiny.
I seek the One in order to overcome
the inevitable end of everyone.
I don’t want to be everyone.
So I press on to pursue the upward call
of the One.